116: Work, Parent, Thrive: Ditch Guilt, Manage Overwhelm and Grow Connections with Yael Schonbrun

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↑こちらのポッドキャストを、先日書いた↓こちらの文字起こしアプリで起こしてみた。
【英語上級者向け】英語ポッドキャストを文字起こし＆要約＆単語抽出【ChatGPTさまさま】 - さんだーさんだ！（ブログ版）

長いので、主な注意点を最初に🙏（GPT-4 APIの使用でだいぶよくなったと思いますが…）

[mm:ss]というタイムスタンプは、入っているところと入っていないところがあるかも。
「-Japan（日本）」「-Barak Obama（バラク・オバマ）」があるかも。単語帳作成のためのプロンプト中に例として挙げたものが紛れ込んでいる可能性があります。
proofreadについてなど、ChatGPTへのプロンプトを本文と誤認している場合もあるかも。
その他にも日本語訳が抜けているなど不完全な部分は多々あるかと思いますが、基本的にはChatGPTの限界だと思ってご了承ください。。
誤訳や不完全な文字起こしがあったとしても、なんの責任も負えませんので、ご自身で確かめながらご利用ください。

Sara Rosen-Sweet, welcome to the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. I'm your host, Sara Rosen-Sweet, mom of three young people, peaceful parenting coach, and your cheerleader and guide on all things parenting. Each week we'll cover the tools, strategies, and support you need to end the yelling and power struggles, and encourage your kids to listen and cooperate so that you can enjoy your family time. I'm happy to say we have a great relationship with our three kids. The teen years have been easy and joyful. Not because we're special unicorns, but because my kids were raised with peaceful parenting. I have helped so many parents, just like you, stop struggling and enjoy their kids again. I'm excited to be here with you today and bring you the insight and information you need to make your parenting journey a little more peaceful. Let's dive into this week's conversation. Hey y'all, welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast.
Today's episode is a guest expert interview. My guest today is Yael Schonbrun, and she is a psychologist and mom, and she has written a wonderful book called Work Parent Thrive. [1.01] We're going to be talking all about that. This is a really helpful episode for anyone who is trying to balance home life and work life. And I know Yael probably would not say that we're looking for balance, and she's going to talk more about that. But we really dove into all of the challenges that happen when we have those two roles. And sometimes they can feel hard, like we're not doing either well. So she really has some great strategies for what we can do if we are feeling that way.
I also wanted to remind you how I can help you and how you can help us. How I can help you is that I have a free course called 'how to stop yelling at your kids'. And it is for anyone who wants to dive into peaceful parenting or get back up on the wagon and really focus on your own emotional responses when things are challenging because that's always where we start. So, head on over to sarahrosensweet.com, slash yelling for my free course, 'How To Stop Yelling At Your Kids'. [2:02] And feel free to share that with a friend. This is for anyone and everyone who wishes that they could stay more calm when things are hard.
And if you would like to support us and support the podcast, you can go to patreon.com slash peaceful parenting. That is a low-cost way to support us. It takes a lot of time and energy and money to bring this podcast to you every single week. So if you'd like to support us and check out the benefits that are available to you as a Patreon supporter, just go to patreon.com slash peaceful parenting.
Okay, let's dive in and meet Yael. Hi Yael, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for having me, Sarah, I'm so excited to chat with you today. Yeah, me too, I was just telling you before we started when I saw your book that came out in the fall I believe, I was like, oh, I have to get her to come on the podcast. So can you tell us about who you are and what you do and then about your book?
Sure, so I am a clinical psychologist by training, and I actually started out in academia. [3:02] I still have a foot there, but now I wear a lot of other hats in addition, so my investment is a little bit less in academic research. So I have a small private practice where I specialize in couples' therapy as well as parent coaching. And I also have a podcast of my own, which is called Psychologist Off the Clock, that aims to translate research from psychology into accessible fun tools and ideas and practices for the general public. And then I'm also a writer. I wrote this book called 'Work Parent Thrive' that came out as you said in November, and that was born out of my own experience of becoming a working parent some years ago. Now my oldest is now 12,
but it was an interesting journey because I was very, very excited to become a parent and I really liked my job. And I was pretty confident in my skills as an adult and a human with access to lots of tools from psychology and a supportive partner and all the things that you kind of dream of having is like, oh, this'll work, right? And then lo and behold, I become a parent [4:04] and it turned out to be a lot harder in ways that I hadn't imagined in terms of the identity crisis and sort of the unhappiness that I felt wherever I was. So when I was with my kid, I would feel kind of ashamed of myself for getting lapped by my colleagues. And when I was at work, I would feel just so guilty and kind of rotten for having paid virtual strangers to be taking care of my tiny little, beautiful creature.
And so I started doing what nerdy people do: reading everything that I could get my hands on to kind of figure out, you know, how am I going to do this thing that I've worked so hard to get to without feeling miserable constantly. And what I found in the bookstores and the libraries was pretty disheartening, which is why this book project came out. Because most of what I found was kind of about the structures that are failing us, which is true. But I was kind of like, okay, well that doesn't help me in terms of what I'm going to do today in the here and now. Or it was about managing time more efficiently, which wasn't really my issue. And so, I then turned to the academic literature and there I found lots of things that got me excited. [5:06]
First and foremost, because I'm a relationship researcher, I'm really interested in the relationship between people but also things. And so I found this really interesting research on the relationship between our roles. So not only is there a lot of data looking at how work and family conflict with each other, but there's also this really fascinating research on how they enrich each other. And so I got really excited about that. And then I also got really excited about science from domains of rest and creativity, showing how the roles can help each other out. And so as somebody who's interested in the relationship between things and in positive psychology, this book is sort of the bringing together of those passions. I love that.
And I love how, and you talked about this in the book too, how yes, sure we need a structural overhaul of how the working world is and interesting today! I just heard on the radio the rise of the four day work week, which is, yeah, feel like a possibility [6:06] that more people are embracing that, but that's not gonna happen overnight for parents who just, you know, have this new baby, and are realizing that this isn't working very well, this conflict between the roles.
When I had my first child, I was working in film and television and I loved it so much! I just loved my job and I had every intention of taking my one-year MAT leave because I'm in Canada. So we got a one-year MAT leave and then I was going to go back. Then I ended up being a stay-at-home mom for 12 years because I couldn't picture how I was going to make it work between being the kind of parent that I wanted to be and this job, and partly because there were no options to work less than a 60-hour-a-week job. So I couldn't be away for 12 hours a day. So I ended up not working in that job, and never going back to it because I just couldn't figure out how to make it work, but, and which is good, because now I ended up doing what I'm doing now, which I love.
But I was thinking about all of the ways that it was hard not to be a working parent when I was a stay-at-home parent. Like when I was reading your book, it really struck me. And I read towards the end of the book you talked about how you asked your mom if she felt that she would've been happier if she had been working when she was raising her children. And obviously, we can't go back in time and make different choices. But I think it was hard on me not having a job, like a job outside of the home. Because I think I felt like, my self-esteem took a big hit in those years. To have a, like my job was taking care of the kids, which is great, but also your job performance reviews are always terrible.
You serve kids all day, right? I hate the food that you make. I love the five from the kids. I hate the food that you made, why are you so mean? It's just people are complaining all day long about the job that you're doing. And I missed how I would get like those good positive feedback from my boss and the projects that I was working on. So I love that you, I could have used more of an answer to this 22 years ago when I had my first child. Yeah."
★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★
• Sara Rosen-Sweet, a peaceful parenting coach and host of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast, believes in ending yelling and power struggles, helping parents enjoy their relationship with their kids.
「サラ・ローゼン・スイートと申します。平和的な育児のコーチであり、平和的な育児ポッドキャストのホストです。私は yelling（叱ること）や power struggles（力関係の争い）を終わらせ、親が子供との関連性を楽しみ続けることを信じています。」
• In a particular episode, the guest Yael Schonbrun, a psychologist and mom, talks about balancing home life and work life and strategies to help parents who are struggling with this balance.
「特定のエピソードにおいて、ゲストの心理学者であり母親でもあるYael Schonbrunが自宅と職場の生活をどのようにバランスを取るか、そしてこのバランスに苦しんでいる親を助ける戦略について話します。」
• Sara offers a free course titled 'how to stop yelling at your kids', aimed at helping parents handle their emotional responses in challenging parenting situations.
「サラは"子供達に怒鳴るのをやめる方法"という無料コースを提供し、親が育児の困難な状況で自分の感情的な反応を上手に扱うのを助けます。」
• Sara encourages support for the podcast via Patreon, which provides financial support for the ongoing podcast production costs.
「サラはPatreonを通じたポッドキャストのサポートを奨励し、これは継続的なポッドキャストの制作費用の金銭的支援を提供します。」
• Yael Schonbrun shares her own struggle with balancing work and family life and emphasizes the importance of exploring how these roles can enrich each other rather than conflict.
「Yael Schonbrunは、仕事と家庭生活のバランスを保つことへの自身の苦闘を共有し、これらの役割が対立するのではなく、どのようにお互いを豊かにするか探求することの重要性を強調します。」
★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】

Sara Rosen-Sweet (サラ・ローゼン・スウィート)

Peaceful Parenting Podcast (ピースフル・ペアレンティング・ポッドキャスト)

Yael Schonbrun (ヤエル・ションブルン)

Work Parent Thrive (ワーク・ペアレント・スライブ)

Psychologist Off the Clock (サイコロジスト・オフ・ザ・クロック)

Patreon (パトレオン)

【英単語】

coach (コーチ)

yell (叫ぶ)

struggle (闘争)

insight (洞察力)

psychologist (心理学者)

academia (アカデミア)

identity crisis (アイデンティティ・クライシス)

nerd (オタク)

creativity (創造性)

conflict (衝突)

enrich (豊かにする)

rest (休息)

MAT leave (マタニティリーブ)

self-esteem (自尊心)

job performance reviews (職務遂行評価)

【英語フレーズ】

end the yelling and power struggles (叫びと力の闘争を終わらせる)

have a great relationship (素晴らしい関係を持つ)

stop struggling and enjoy (苦闘をやめて楽しむ)

translate research into accessible fun tools (研究をアクセス可能な楽しいツールに翻訳する)

feeling miserable constantly (常に不幸に感じる)

much more efficiently (はるかに効率的に)

roles conflict with each other (役割が互いに衝突する)

have a job outside of the home (家の外で仕事をする)

rise of the four day work week (4日労働週の台頭)

"Well, and this is not to say, just to kind of point out the obvious, but stay-at-home parents can have very happy, fulfilling lives. The book is not suggesting that I think the way to go is working parenthood. More, which is kind of what you're saying, that we often think about working parenthood as being full of problems, but there are some real advantages, some real gifts that are embedded in what can be super challenging. And when we can recognize those gifts, we can harness them more, we can take advantage of them more skillfully. And one of the gifts, which is what you're pointing to, is that we can have multiple areas of competency and mastery and positive experience, joyful experience. And that helps us not to restrict our lives, constrict our lives, which can be problematic. And in fact, psychological research shows that having more roles gives us better access to happiness, better access to meaning and purpose. [9:13] And that tends to be really good for our overall wellbeing. The problem is, it's not without costs, because the more roles that we have, the more tension we have between competing demands, so both are true, and the question that I encourage people to pivot to is away from how do I get away from tension and unhappiness because that's not a very good question because what life involves is tension.
Like in good happy rich fulfilled lives, whether you're a stay at home parent or not, or a working parent, you're probably going to inhabit lots of different roles and that's a good thing. But escaping the tension between roles is like an unwinnable battle if you have a very rich full life. Instead, the question is how can I help my roles balance each other and use that tension to my advantage? So it's a question of reframing the tension in a way that you can use in more productive ways. [10:14] And exactly as you're saying, like getting a break and having more self-efficacy in lots of different pockets and having tangible rewards and not having everything count on whether your kids are happy with dinner or behaving well and allowing that to feed your self-worth is one of the ways.
Yeah. And I think, you know, I appreciate you bringing up the fact that it's not a question of which is better, you know, being a stay-at-home or a working parent or if there's even a contest. And I certainly didn't mean to suggest that I felt like a victim in my choice. I just didn't, I guess the job I was in then, I didn't see a way to make it work. But I think I did find ways to bring in the working. Not that I was a paid working world, but I found ways to find other interests that fed me. I was really into crafting and very domestic arts types of things. Cake decorating and needle felting and things like that. And I had a blog. And I got lots of like positive feedback from that. So I think I did, you know, I knew that I needed something outside myself and outside my children. [11:17] And I think I would say I was pretty successful at that. Yeah, that's so awesome.
And that's such a great example of finding different ways to sort of expand your self-concept. But your other point, which is, but it doesn't offer some of the things that more traditional paid work does, which is this very like structured kind of feedback and tangible compensation. And so, that's sort of there's always advantages and disadvantages to everything, but that's one of the disadvantages of hobbies that on the one hand is really pleasant, because you're not being evaluated. On the other hand, there's something that's really satisfying about getting compensation. And going back to your original sort of point that my own mom, when I asked her if she would have been happier, because she was a pretty unhappy stay at home mom, and I do think that exactly what you're saying was something that she didn't do. So she was really focused on being a parent and didn't have much outside of that. And in part, it was because she was an immigrant and she didn't speak English very well, and she also struggled with some mood stuff. [12:18] So her life really was quite restricted.
And so it really just gets to the point that the more that we can inhabit different pockets of life, the more balanced we'll be. And at the same time, that's going to create some tension between roles. But that's not a bad thing. It's more just a question of how do we navigate that more skillfully. Yeah, for sure. I look back also it's taking me sort of down a memory lane of those years for me. And I think that I also really threw myself into parenting professionally, if you know what I mean. I read what I could read and I thought about parenting a lot. And that's how I ended up where I am today, because I got so like my type A personality and my brain needed that sort of stimulation of that almost academic side of parenting that, you know, I ended up as a parenting coach. So it's just, it's interesting to look back on those different choices. And I'll say that that's the perfect example. So, work, family conflict which most people have heard of is this idea that our roles compete for our finite resources. [13:19]
So like whatever time, energy, attention that you have If you're devoting it to work, it's taking away from parenting. If you're devoting it to parenting, it's taking away from work and that's a conflict for the finite resources. Work-family enrichment is the idea that our roles can feed each other in all sorts of really interesting ways. And I clarify sort of three distinct paths. So the first is the transfer effect. And that's a bit of what you're talking about. So when we're stepping into one role, we're actually building skills that can feed very naturally back into the other. So your example of stepping fully into parenting and making that a real project ended up feeding back into your professional life in a very cool, creative, inspiring way. And then the second path is the buffer effect and that's the idea that no matter what we're gonna have stress in our given roles. And so having multiple roles can help us balance it out both in terms of the overall perspective. So if you're having a really tough time with your kids, say you're in the service industry or you're a healthcare worker, it helps you to recognize like whatever problems your kids are having, there's a bigger world, people are struggling.
[14:21] Even more than your kids are, some people are struggling less, but it gives you some perspective and vice versa. Also, if you have a rough day at work, you get to go home and have a hug with your kids. Or if your kids are in a phase where they're mouthing off to you, you get to go to work and have respectful conversations with colleagues. So there's that buffering opportunity. I just want to stop you for a second because I love that so much and I think that so people don't think about that enough. So I love that you really brought that consciously to our attention. Sorry to interrupt. No, I appreciate that, thank you. And then the third path is the additive effect. And that's the idea of how psychologists, in one frame, measure happiness is a sense of meaning and purpose, and the more roles that we inhabit, the greater our opportunity to cultivate a sense of meaning and purpose, either in the one role or through our lives, through the various roles that we inhabit overall. That we can feel like our lives have purpose, we're having an impact, were doing something that really counts in a more enduring way.
And so I think, again, your example [15:23] of using your parenting role to over time feed back into your professional trajectory is such a terrific example. And most of us can think of various ways that if you inhabit multiple roles, that one role can actually feedback positively to the other. We just don't think about it that much. And so that's a part of what I really encourage people to do in my book is to start reflecting on that because the more that you are aware of it, the more that you can take advantage of it. So if you know, hey, when I step into parenting, I really practice patience and compassion and perspective taking, then you can really appreciate the way that when you step back into other roles, whether it's partnership or work that you can take advantage of that grown skill and that can help you to feel better about the balance of roles, even in the face of tension between them. I love that.
I wanna shift gears a little bit. I promised you that I had a quote that I had heard from a celebrity just last week. And I heard it and I was like, oh my gosh, that's exactly what y'all was talking about. So, Shonda Rhimes said in an acceptance [16:26] speech, which I believe was a graduation speech. She said something like, people ask me how I do it all."
★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★

The dialogue discusses the often-underestimated advantages of working parenthood. Both parenting and working have their respective gifts and challenges, but they can be balanced skillfully to maximize fulfillment and happiness.

The participants reference their personal experiences, noting that seeking outside interests can provide joy and self-growth, while providing a buffer against parenting or workplace stress.

The discussion touches on the idea of “work-family conflict” and “work-family enrichment”, suggesting that balancing multiple roles can lead to an increased sense of purpose and meaning.

The conversation suggests that the skills developed in one role, such as parenting, can positively impact another role, like one’s profession.

In this dialogue, tension between various life roles is viewed as unavoidable but also as an opportunity in reframing to be used productively, pivoting focus from escaping tension to balancing roles.

この対話では、働く親のしばしば過小評価されたメリットについて議論しています。親業と仕事はそれぞれが独自のギフトと課題を持っていますが、それらをうまくバランスさせて、達成感と幸福感を最大化することができます。

参加者たちは自身の経験に言及し、自己成長と喜びを提供し、親としてのストレスや職場のストレスに対するバッファとなる自分の興味を探求することの重要性を指摘しています。

この対話では、「ワークファミリーコンフリクト」と「ワークファミリーエンリッチメント」という考え方に触れており、複数の役割をバランスよく果たすことで、目的感と意味の感じが増大することを示唆しています。

親としての役割で開発されたスキルが、職業などの別の役割に肯定的な影響を与える可能性がありますという提案が対話の中でなされています。

この対話では、さまざまな人生の役割間の緊張は避けられないが、問題をより生産的に使用するための機会としても、役割のバランスをはかることに焦点を移すことによって、緊張から逃れようとする焦点を変えるものと見なされています。

★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】

Shonda Rhimes（ションダ・ライムズ）

【英単語】

obvious（明らかな）

parents（親）

advantages（利点）

tension（緊張）

fulfilling（充実した）

moods（気分）

immigrant（移民）

self-efficacy（自己効力感）

self-worth（自己価値）

competing（競争する）

compensation（報酬）

rewards（報酬・報奨金）

self-concept（自己概念）

【英語フレーズ】

stay-at-home parents（専業主婦（夫））

working parenthood（共働きの親）

take advantage of（～を利用する）

pointing to（～を指摘する）

positive experience（ポジティブな経験）

multiple areas of competency and mastery（数多くの能力と習熟エリア）

having tangible rewards（具体的な報酬を得る）

different ways to sort of expand your self-concept（自己概念を拡張する様々な方法）

work-family conflict（仕事と家庭の間の摩擦）

work-family enrichment（仕事と家庭の間の豊かさ）

"And she says, whenever you see me somewhere, succeeding in one area of my life, that almost certainly means I'm failing in another area of my life. What would you say to her? And can we talk about that guilt because I know you talk about that parent guilt in your book. Well, I love Shalta Rebbes and I've heard her speak more positively. I read this Time Magazine article that featured that was all about her life and her role as a parent and super productive director, producer. So that's more negative than I think of her, but it's interesting how people really do feel that way. Like, 'Oh, I'm such a crappy parent, because I went to work instead of chaperoning my child's field trip.' On to say, for example, if I'm in the boardroom going over some scripts or doing a script read or whatever, I'm most certainly missing a concert at my kid's school, or if I'm putting my kids to bed, I'm missing an important thing that's happening at work.
[17:27]
So that was just the fuller context. I mean, it is negative, I guess, but I guess it must just be the reality of the choices that she has to make. So I think it is a reality that there's so many ways to frame that reality. And I think one is, 'I'm failing my kids when I'm working because I'm not there to show up for their important events.' But another is, and it's the exact same reality, it's just a different mindset on it, is that, 'I'm modeling for my kids what hard work is and how to juggle multiple roles. And I'm modeling for them that I'm there for them and I love them, even though I can't show up for every single moment. I'm also modeling for them that I believe that they can be independent and that they'll be okay even when I'm not around, that they'll figure it out, that they'll find ways to be proud of themselves and that we'll come back together and reconnect.' So both are true, and here's the complexity here is that it is both hard on your kids when you're not there for them to pick them up.
[18:29]
From an embarrassing failure or to celebrate a terrific accomplishment. That's tough on them, right? Your kids want you there with them and you want to be there for them. It's also good for them, same time, exact same time, both are true. It's good for them to build resilience, it's good for them to know that they can be uncomfortable and that not being there for one another is a part of any close relationship over the lifetime journey that relationships take and that you can still love somebody even when you're imperfectly there because there's no other way to be, right? We are imperfectly there for each other each other, in any close relationship that sustains itself over time. And so I think making space for both truths is a part of what I want people to come away with, and this idea of work-family enrichment, because work-family enrichment doesn't mean that everything is enriching all the time. It means that the conflict, the painful experiences, are a part of how we grow, how we learn, how we understand our own strengths.
[19:29]
How we understand our own weaknesses, how we figure out the messy journey of life that involves multiple roles, multiple relationships, and tension between it all, and that we can experience the difficulty and at the same time access the gifts. It's both. So do you think that's the anti-guilt answer or do you... Is there more to it than that? There's a little more to it than that because... Okay, so guilt is an important emotion to pay attention to because it's wired into us for a reason. So all emotions serve a function. So this is an area of functional emotion research, and we understand a good bit about what each of the emotions helps us to do, and they're all from an evolutionary perspective, emotions are wired into us for survival and reproductive purposes. Guilt specifically is an interpersonal emotion that's intended to protect relationships because part of what ensures our survival is that we're connected to people that we care about and that we sort of stay a member of the community.
[20:29]
And also that we protect the offspring that we have. And so guilt is really strong for parents because we need it in premodern times to be very attentive to our very vulnerable young. The problem is that there's this evolutionary mismatch where we now feel guilty in times that our offspring are not at all in danger. So once upon a time, if you felt guilt you'd pay attention to make sure that your kid wasn't exposed to a predator coming by. Now, when we feel guilty because we're missing the field trip or the show that our kid is in, our kid is not an actual mortal danger. And they're not even terribly in a psychological danger because they might be uncomfortable, but the discomfort is not the problem in and of itself.
However, sometimes guilt cues us in ways that are just totally not productive, right? Like if my kid is unhappy and I feel guilty every time they're unhappy, that's gonna prompt me to come in, swoop in, and try to give them a cookie so that they feel better or call the parent whose child said something nasty.
[21:30]
And make sure that my child, you know, it's like that hovering intensive overprotective parent and that creates a lot of fragility and lack of self-competence in our kids, not so good. So if we pay attention to the guilt hook, line and sinker, that's actually gonna cause us to be not very healthy, productive parents. So we don't wanna pay full attention to it. We wanna notice it and ask ourselves whether or not it's serving us well or not. Because there are times that it is serving us well. Like if I've worked late all week and I haven't connected with my kids, my kid is probably okay, but I'm gonna start finding that my connection with them is not as solid and stable. And so that guilt is actually quite a useful cue. Same thing goes for work. Like if my kid has been emotionally needy and I haven't been attending to projects and my clients are starting to let me know like you're dropping the ball and I start to feel guilty. That's actually a good cue. Am I doing right by my role in my professional life? So we wanna pay attention to it. So it's the noticing, asking how useful is this guilt in terms.
[22:31]
Of what I know about what's important to me in this role, what really matters. You know, what are sort of the ends that I'm aiming for versus how much is this guilt just kind of a hangover effect of evolution that actually is not terribly productive? And if you notice that it's not terribly productive, you can notice it and follow along with what a more value-guided action would be. Or, if you notice, oh nope, this guilt is really telling me something quite important. Then you can allow the guilt to drive the behavior. So, it's not either or. It's sort of noticing and choosing. That's so helpful. So, it's an invitation to just really get clear on what's important while prioritizing what the most important thing is and finding that, I don't want to say balance, but yeah, no, that's great. And I can't add on to what you said. And I was thinking too when you said that the guilt of being worried that our child's unhappy because we couldn't go to their concert or pick them up or whatever the thing is. And that it's not actually a predator.
[23:32]
But I think for some people when they're uncomfortable with feelings, it can feel as much of an emergency as a tiger or whatever. If their child's unhappiness or difficult feelings feel really threatening to them. So that's also an invitation to get more comfortable with the feelings, right? Yeah. Yeah. And that's the problem is like our feelings, like, our, our brain is not very good at distinguishing between like, is this a tiger or is this just a feeling? And, and that's the practice is, and so I practice a treatment called acceptance and commitment therapy. And a lot of the practices that are embedded in this treatment are ones that help us to clarify for ourselves, like this emotion is coming up and if I get hooked on it, it's hard for me to notice the difference, is this a tiger or is this just a field trip or whatever. But the more that we can unhook from the feeling, unhook from the story about the tiger and say, okay, my body is having an emotional reaction.
[24:34]
Or my brain is having a thought or my mind is telling me a story."
★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★
• The speaker acknowledges the challenges faced by individuals, particularly parents, who are trying to balance different areas of their lives, often feeling like they're failing in one area when they succeed in another.
「スピーカーは、特に親たちが、人生の異なる分野をバランス良く進めようとする際に直面する課題を認めています。一つの分野で成功するたびに、他の分野で失敗しているような気持ちになることがよくあります。」
• They state that the lens through which one views these challenges can be reframed, emphasizing that even though they can't be physically present for every moment in their child's life, they're still setting a good example for them.
「彼らはこれらの挑戦をどのように見るかは再解釈できると述べており、子供の人生の全ての瞬間に肉体的に存在できなくても、自分はそれでも子供にとって良い見本を設定していると強調しています。」
• The speaker also explores the idea of guilt, particularly parental guilt, highlighting that while it's an emotion with an important evolutionary function, in modern times it can be triggered unnecessarily, leading to overprotective behavior that isn't beneficial for kids.
「スピーカーは特に「親の罪悪感」を含む「罪悪感」のアイデアを解析し、エモーションの重要な進化的機能を持つ一方で、近代では不必要に引き金が引かれることがあり、それが子供にとって有益でない過保護な行動を引き起こす可能性があることを強調しています。」
• However, there are times when guilt can be a useful warning signal, indicating that you should reassess your commitments. The key is to determine whether or not the guilt is actually serving a useful purpose.
「しかし、罪悪感が有用な警告信号となり、自身のコミットメントを再評価すべきことを示すときもあります。キーとなるのは、罪悪感が実際に有用な目的を果たしているかどうかを判断することです。」
• The speaker encourages individuals to view difficulties and conflicts as opportunities for growth, while still recognizing and accommodating the necessity of juggling multiple roles and responsibilities.
「スピーカーは、困難や対立を成長の機会として見ること、そして同時に、複数の役割と責任を調整する必要性を認識し対応することを、個々の人々に勧めています。」
★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
以下、上級の英語学習者向けのボキャブラリーリスト。
【固有名詞】

Shalta Rebbes（シャルタ・レベス）

Time Magazine（タイム・マガジン）

【英単語】

succeeding（成功している）

chaperoning（引率する）

boardroom（取締役会議室）

scripts（脚本）

embarrassing（恥ずかしい）

accomplishment（達成）

resilience（耐性）

enrichment（豊かさ）

evolutionary（進化的）

interpersonal（対人的）

offspring（子孫）

predator（捕食者）

fragility（脆弱さ）

competence（適性）

【英語フレーズ】

failing in another area of my life（生活の別の領域で失敗している）

I'm modeling for my kids（私は子供たちに模範を示している）

do you think that's the anti-guilt answer（それが反罪悪感の答えだと思いますか）

we understand our own weaknesses（自分の弱点を理解する）

nasty（不快な）

a hangover effect of evolution（進化の二日酔い効果）

what a more value-guided action would be（価値ガイドされた行動とは何か）

I'm having a thought（私は考えを持っている）

"Can I take a step back and just get curious about it, as opposed, to being fused with it? There's this word that we use - fused with it means that we just kind of follow it down to its logical extreme, versus when we unfuse. When we unhook from it and get curious, huh, my mind is telling me that or I'm feeling that way. How much does that line up with the kind of parent that I wanna be? How much does that line up with the kind of worker that I wanna be? That curiosity gives us an opportunity to sort of question, you know, is this really a tiger, or is this just my mind saying tiger, tiger, tiger? Yeah, so you talk in your book about unhooking from unhelpful labels, which is what you're just talking about. Can you get maybe a little bit more specific and strategic about, say we have an unhelpful label that if we're not at all of the school concerts, then we're a bad parent? Say we've got that running around in our mind. How would you walk a parent through unhooking from that unhelpful label?
[25:36] Yeah, oh gosh, we have so many unhelpful labels that get kind of caught in our psyche. So I'll share the story because I shared it in the book and I just think it's a great one, but I interviewed a comedian who many evenings would go to do comedy shows. She actually was otherwise mostly around, but in the evening. So she would sometimes miss bedtime. And she would feel she like a lot of her comedy routine was self-deprecating as comedians do. And so she would be like, yeah, I'm a crappy mom. And my kids know that I'm a crappy mom. And her oldest son would say snarky things. Like, oh, you're going to go to a CD bar instead of hanging with your kids. Like, great parenting, Ma. And she would leave the house and feel super rotten.
During this interview, I started talking to her about this idea of unhooking from unhelpful labels. And she was trying to come up with funny ways to talk about this concept of work-family enrichment. She was like, how about Wopo Flow? Because you're flowing along instead
[26:37] of getting stuck on a label. And then, but then in the process of talking about these concepts, she texted me one night and said, 'you know you asked me, you were talking about this concept of like getting stuck on labels, and so I asked my son, what do you really think about me going off to the comedy shows? Do you really think that makes me a terrible parent?' And he said, 'no, I think it's super cool.' And it was like this moment, aha moment for her where she was kind of like, Oh. It never had occurred to her to ask if he was just joking, she had just gotten so hooked on it. She believed that he believed it, so she started to believe it, and it kind of fed on itself. Her mind was doing the confirmation bias thing where every time something went wrong, she'd be like 'there's more evidence that I stink!'
And then this questioning of is that label even serving me? How true is it? And how helpful is it? Invited her to ask her son what he thought, And then it was this like opening up of opportunity of,
[27:37] OK, that's just a name that I sometimes apply to myself. It's not Truth with a capital T, and it's not even something my son particularly believes in. And so, similarly, I think any parent... The first practice is to start noticing, like, when you feel really tight or really kind of rotten about whatever the role is that you're in, what are the labels, what are the stories or words that you get hooked on? Is it I'm a crappy parent or I'm inadequate or my kids are going to, you know, write all about how rotten I was in the memoir? You know, they're going to end up on the therapist couch and so what are the stories? What are the labels? What are the words that I apply?
And then do this very simple practice, which is, my mind is telling me, right? So, you add this prefix. My mind is telling me that I'm a failure. My mind is telling me the story of how I'm inadequate as a parent. And this brief prefix my mind is telling me is one of the activities, one of the practices
[28:39] that you can engage that helps you to get just a tiny bit unhooked from the thought. So, as opposed to being fused with it, you're taking a step back, using this phrase, and now you're able to look at it with curiosity.
And then the question is, how helpful is that? It's not how true it is, because there's always gonna be some truth and some false, right? Because there's nothing that's all true or all false. Sometimes you're less awesome as a parent than others and that's just the reality. And you might not have a kid who's so cool and enlightened to say 'no, I actually think it is cool.' You might not have any evidence that points to the fact that it's not true what your mind is telling you. Exactly.
So the more useful question is how helpful is it in sort of inviting me to be more of the kind of parent or more of the kind of worker or whatever the role is, more of the kind of person that I wanna be in this world. Because if crapping all over yourself helps you to be a better person, maybe it's worth it, but most of the time, it doesn't. We have a belief that self-criticism helps us to be better, but it doesn't, it actually causes more shame, it causes us to retract.
[29:40] I mean, just think about this, like if you go into a job interview and you tell yourself, like, ,"I suck, they should definitely not hire me. I am totally inadequate." Like is that gonna help you to be most engaging and dynamic and look intelligent and personable? Quite the opposite.
For the vast majority of people, I would argue most, if not all, people are going to do less well than if they were to tell themselves, 'I got this, right? I'm not perfect, but I have a lot to offer this job. I'm gonna go in there and show them what I have to give.'
So, that self-criticism really gets in our way, and so that's why it's helpful to unhook from those cruel labels not necessarily because they're untrue, although mostly they're a little bit untrue or a lot untrue, but because they really interfere with showing up as our best selves — Yeah. — in whatever the role is. You can't be your best comedian or your best parent if you're feeling bad about whatever you're not doing when you're there, right? — Exactly. — Yeah.
[30:40] Yeah, I mean, certainly, if you're a comedian and you're feeling just awful about yourself as, you know, in this most important role, — it's hard to be funny. — Yeah. Totally.
Yeah, going back to something you said before, I, it was a fear that I had that my kids didn't see me doing anything that was like important or I mean, not, okay, I don't want to say that raising children is not important. But there was this contrast between their dad who like left for work every day with a suit and a briefcase, and like me who was still like in my pajamas, you know, getting people off for school. So you know, I can see how, how, you know, for anyone out there who is feeling bad about not being able to be at home all the time. I think it's really important to remember that role that the example that you're being for your kids about what you know especially women. That's what I'm talking about from my own experience. What women are capable of and what women can do.
So I just wanted to kind of you said that, but I wanted to kind of just reinforce it a little bit. Yeah and recognize that sometimes when we fall into that I'm not doing important work or you know really strong
[31:43] impactful people go into the workforce that our kids start to pick up on that? What would we say to a friend who was a really good stay-at-home parent? We would be like, 'you're doing the most important work. Well, I thought it was important. I just didn't think that they thought it was important. I felt like they saw more of a reflection of society and that if I were really smart, I'd be out doing something else or whatever.'
Yeah, but it seems to me and this is how I feel with my kids, because I'm more the default parent I do a lot more just week-to-week of the parenting than my spouse does, for a variety of reasons, but it's like an opportunity to teach our children a corrective message than what society often gives. And I'm sure you did that with your kids, but I talk about that with my kids all the time, that, you know, their dad does important work and I do important work and some of it is my professional work and some of it is my parenting work. And that it's all-important and some of it gets paid more than others but that has nothing to do with how important it is.
And so I think that's such an important, such a valuable opportunity to, it's kind of a grassroots
[32:46] movement. Like we, with our kids we can start to shift some of the messaging that exists in our culture. Yeah."
★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★

The conversation explores the idea of "unhooking" from unhelpful labels, particularly as it relates to self-perception as a parent or worker.

「会話では「有害なラベルから逸脱する」という考え方が、特に親や労働者としての自己認識に関連するように探求されています。

The speaker shares a story from a comedian who was able to change her perspective on her parenting after questioning her son's perception of her doing comedy shows, showing the usefulness of questioning the truth and helpfulness of self-applied labels.

「話し手はコメディアンの話を共有し、彼女が息子の彼女がコメディショーをする事への認識を問い詰めた後、自身の親としての立場を変えることができたということに触れています。これは、自分が自分自身に適用するラベルの真実性や有用性を問い詰めることの有用性を示しています。

One suggestion for challenging these labels is to add the prefix "My mind is telling me…" before the label or perception, which can help detach from it and view it with curiosity instead of accepting it as truth.

「これらのラベルに立ち向かう一つの提案は、ラベルや知覚の前に「私の頭は私に言っている…」という接頭語を追加することです。これによって、ラベルや知覚から離れて、それを真実として受け入れるのではなく、興味深く見ることができます。

Another key point made is that self-criticism, typically perceived to drive self-improvement, actually causes us to feel shame and retract, hindering our ability to show up as our best selves.

「もう一つの重要なポイントは、一般的に自己改善を促進すると考えられている自己批判は、実際には私たちに恥を感じさせ、撤退させることで、最高の自己として活動する能力を阻害するということです。

Lastly, the conversation emphasizes the importance of realizing and reinforcing the significance of different forms of work, regardless of societal labels, and teaching this realization to our children.

「最後に、会話では、社会的なラベルに関わらず、様々な形の仕事の重要性を認識し、強化すること、そしてこの認識を我々の子供たちに教えることの重要性が強調されています。
★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】

Wopo Flow（ウォポ・フロー）

【英単語】

fuse（溶接する/合体する）

unfuse（分離する）

comedian（コメディアン）

curiosity（好奇心）

confirmation bias（確証バイアス）

engage（従事する）

self-deprecating（自虐的な）

self-criticism（自己批判）

【英語フレーズ】

fused with it （それと溶接する）

unhook from it（それから分離する）

get curious about（〜に興味を持つ）

line up with （〜と一致する）

unhook from unhelpful labels（役に立たないラベルから切り離す）

get caught in our psyche（私たちの心理に捕らえられる）

in the process of（〜の過程で）

feed on itself（自分自身にエネルギーを取る）

questioning of （〜の問題提起）

write all about（〜についてたくさん書く）

get just a tiny bit unhooked from（ちょっとだけから解放される）

take a step back（一歩下がる）

showing up as our best selves（自己のベストを示す）

do less well（あまり上手くやらない）

fall into（〜に陥る）

pick up on（〜に気づく）

do a lot more（〜をたくさんする）

"I mean, and I think that I don't know if you're familiar with the work of Eve Radsky. Yeah, I love her. Yeah, she's great. And that's such a fair play. It's such a wonderful book, but I think that the reason why we end up with the default parent feeling and being more unappreciated in a lot of relationships and in our culture is because of just conditioning, right? And so starting to change that, when she says you know, the time in the boardroom should be worth as much as the time awake with a kid in the night with the throw-up bucket or whatever, you know? Oh for sure. And I have to say that as somebody who has really straddled some version of kind of sort of stay-at-home parenting and kind of sort of ambitious professional life in a strange way, I think the stay-at-home parenting is way harder. It's, like, way more valuable and definitely, definitely harder. But there is this reality that it doesn't get compensated. I actually, I write about this in my book.
[33:47]
But my mom used to, when she felt this injustice acutely, and she would constantly calculate how much she would earn if she was doing the work not within the family, but for others. I think just to prove that her effort had value, and wouldn't it have been so nice if she had already gotten that message from the world at large? Your work does matter, right? It might not get compensated in the way, but it matters a lot and yes, it should be compensated, but that isn't sort of the reality. For sure. There's one more, one or two more things that I really wanted to ask you about, this to highlight, I mean, and there's so much in your book that we're not even touching on. So, everyone really should, every parent who's looking for that work, family enrichment, should check out your book. But there were two more things that I wanted to bring up. One is when you're talking about subtracting, rather than thinking that adding more things is the answer to finding a happier life as a working parent. Can you talk a little bit about subtracting? Totally.
[34:49]
Yeah, it's probably one of my favorite chapters, and the irony is that was an added chapter, not a subtracted chapter. When I first went under contract, I actually didn't know this research. I came into contact with the researcher who has his own book called, Subtract. His name is Lighty Klotz during the writing of the book. What his research shows, which is really fascinating, is that the human brain is really wired to act. So when we confront a problem in life, our most common response is, what more can we do? I mean, all you need to do is look at the self-help shelves at the bookstore and you realize it's all about doing more mindfulness, more time management, more boxes from the container store to organize your mess. And I will say it is complimented by a self-help section that's about less, like Marie Kondo's work or Greg McKeown who wrote Essentialism. The problem with those is that they don't address why it's so hard to get to less. So we like the idea of less, but we're constantly confronted with more.
[35:49]
And then even when we do have this idea of a schedule with fewer things on it and a dinner table that has, you know just a few simple ingredients or a closet that is really a capsule closet, like I see the appeal of it. But when I go to organize my closet I just don't know how to get from point A to point clear and Zen. And the reason as Lighty Klotz's research shows is this wiring of the brain that we default to adding. And the title of his paper that landed in nature is that, humans systematically overlook subtraction as an option. So, the idea that is revealed very clearly in his research is that we systematically overlook subtraction as a life design option. And so, what that teaches us is that, and, sorry, one more piece of his research is that when we're overwhelmed, when we're cognitively burdened, we're even more likely to overlook subtraction.
[36:50]
So, just when you're the busiest is actually the time that you're least likely to consider taking something off of your plate, which is pretty unfortunate because the more busy you are, the more you're likely to say yes to things that you shouldn't be doing is not a good recipe. And yet, it's what most of us feel we're doing. I know that I do. It's the rushed trip through Target that lands me with a whole cartload of items that I really don't need. And then I don't have time to return them. So it really is this self-perpetuating problem. And so the fix—and this isn't quite a hack as much as a practice—is to recognize our brains do not default to taking things off our plate, especially when we're really overwhelmed. And so what we need to do instead is sort of manually override that tendency by developing practices to really consider subtraction.
[37:50]
So what they found in their experiments is that when they queued people, like subtraction is also an option, that people were less likely to overlook it and more likely to seriously consider it. So what I personally do as a weekly practice is I look at my schedule and I think to myself, "Is there anything that can come off this list?" And whenever I add something new to my closet, I ask myself, "Is there anything really that should leave? Like, what can I take out?" And I also have certain rules of thumb based on my experience of knowing that there are certain activities that are not value aligned, that take a lot of resources from me and from my family, that when they land on the calendar it's time to really rethink it. So for me, this is a silly example, but birthday parties. I don't like hosting them. I don't really love going to them, because for me, it's a lot of party favors, and they're often indoors at these places that feel really generic and cement blocky.
[38:51]
I just don't like them. And I think that there's other ways to get at what birthday parties are trying to get at, which is connectivity and celebration. And I'd rather do other kinds of activities. And so when there is a birthday party option, either to host or to attend, it's something that I don't default to, yes. And that's a practice that we have in our family, where we say, is this your absolute best friend? If not, it'll probably be a no. And in terms of hosting birthday parties, we do gatherings every couple of years. But other than that, we just do family events. And so that's sort of a way that we kind of keep the chaos on that front to a minimum. And it's become a practice of subtracting, of not adding and then when it lands on the calendar to consider seriously subtracting it.
[39:51]
And so I think, again, recognizing that the tendency, the wiring is to default to adding and that we do so more when we're overwhelmed. And so, to override that by building in subtracting practices. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. When I'm working with families who are having a hard time, one of the first things they do is ask them to tell me about their schedule, like their typical morning-evening routine, what they do on the weekends, and often my suggestion is, what can you stop doing? It's like, what can you, do you really need that many extracurricular activities? Do you really need to go to the science center on Saturday? or whatever, I mean, unless that is really what brings you joy, but,
[40:53]
really just to getting people that activity of stopping to think about all of the things that they're doing, and really making sure that it's in line with the kind of lifestyle they wanna have. I love so much what you're doing. Two things that I'll just point out, so one is that you're basically suggesting a stop doing list, which Lighty Klotz talks about, like next to your to-do list, have a stop doing list, and be clear and curious about what should go on that list. The second thing you're doing is you're really encouraging people to ask what are your values and are the activities that you're committed to lining up with your values. Because if they're not, then seriously consider them. Then seriously consider placing them onto your stop-doing list. So it's a values clarification and also this practice, a stop-doing list that can be really helpful to finding ways to live more in line with your values.
There's so much pressure to, you know the acronym of weird parents, like if there's this acronym, people that don't know it. Is I know about it. Western-educated industrialized rich democratic. That's basically the North American parenting model. But there's so much pressure to have like all of the lessons and the after all the activities and a bath every day, which I always tell people."
★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★

The speaker discusses the undervalued work of caregiving, using the works of Eve Radsky as a reference. They mention how conventional norms contribute to this issue.

【スピーカーは、Eve Radskyの作品を参照に、ケアギビングの仕事が過小評価されている問題について話しています。彼らは、この問題に対する従来の規範がどのように貢献しているかについても言及しています。】

The speaker also notes their own experiences with balancing professional life and childcare, asserting caregiving as a more challenging task. They lament that it often goes uncompensated and is underappreciated.

【スピーカーはまた、プロフェッショナルな生活と育児とのバランスをうまく取る自身の経験について述べ、ケアギビングはより困難な仕事であると主張しています。彼らはケアギビングがよく報酬が付かず、過小評価されることを嘆いています。】

The speaker brings up the concept of subtraction in managing one's lifestyle, explaining humans' default to adding activities rather than reducing them. They highlight the need for considering subtracting activities while trying to resolve hectic lives.

【スピーカーは、自分のライフスタイルを管理する際の減算の概念を挙げ、活動を減らすのではなく、それらを追加することが人間のデフォルトであることを説明しています。彼らは、忙しい生活を解決しようとするときに、活動を減らすことを考慮する必要性を強調しています。】

The speaker presents an example from their own life, their approach to birthday parties. They express how this is part of their subtracting practices, as they subtract activities that don't align with their values.

【スピーカーは自分自身の生活から例を出し、誕生日パーティーへのアプローチを提示します。彼らは、これが自分の減算練習の一部であることを明らかにし、値に整列しない活動を減らすと述べています。】

The speaker concludes by discussing the importance of aligning activities with values and the concept of a 'stop-doing list'. They also bring up Western societal pressures concerning parenting activities.

【スピーカーは、活動を価値観と整合させる重要性と「やめることリスト」の概念について議論し、結論を出す。彼らはまた、保護者の活動に関する西洋社会の圧力についても話しています。】
★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】

Eve Radsky（イブ・ラドスキー）

Target（ターゲット）

Marie Kondo（マリー・コンドウ）

Greg McKeown（グレッグ・マクキーオン）

Lighty Klotz（ライティ・クロッツ）

【英単語】

unappreciated（感謝されない）

conditioning（コンディショニング、慣れ）

straddled（またがる）

compensated（補償される）

acutely（鋭く）

subtracting（引き算する）

overlooked（見落とされる）

confronted（対立する）

systematically（体系的に）

capsule closet（カプセルクローゼット）

wiring（配線、結線）

self-perpetuating（自己繁殖の）

override（無視する、優先する）

queue（待ち行列）

extracurricular activities（課外活動）

【英語フレーズ】

default parent feeling（デフォルトの親としての感情）

ambitious professional life（野心的なプロフェッショナルの生活）

this injustice acutely（この不公平感を鋭く感じる）

wouldn't it have been so nice（それが良かったのではないか）

the answer to finding a happier life（より幸せな生活を見つける答え）

systematically overlook subtraction（体系的に減法を見落とす）

as a life design option（ライフデザインの選択肢として）

the busiest is actually the time（一番忙しい時間が、実際の時間）

manually override that tendency（その傾向を手動で無視する）

think to myself（自分自身に考える）

consider seriously subtracting it（それを真剣に引かれることを考える）

the kind of lifestyle they wanna have（彼らが持ちたいと思う生活スタイル）

values clarification（価値の明確化）

"You don't have to give your kids a bath every day, but we do twice a week. We did too. Yeah. We did Wednesdays and Sundays, so I wouldn't forget. It's so funny. We did Thursdays and Sundays. See? Like, we're, we're in lockstep. And it is one of those things where I think you worry about the judgment. Other people are going to be like, your kids are gross. And our brains are wired to worry about judgment because we want to be part of the community. But so many of the things that we worry about, this is again the hangover, nobody's going to kick me out of their group because my kids only bathe twice a week, maybe when my oldest hits puberty. But you know what, having three kids who've gone through that? This is the beauty, is they start to care about how they smell because they're starting to get interested in romance. And so you don't have to bug them anymore about bathing once they hit that age. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. You only do twice a week. That's great. Yeah.
[41:54] And I honestly, I had to choose the days, or we'd forget. Like, you better say Wednesdays and Sunday. So we'll forget. No week will go by. And no one will have a bath. Yeah. Exactly. But I think it's that the idea of trying to do less, you really have to confront why am I, as you said, the values,
but it is so hard to go against the grain. I imagine you came up against that with birthday parties. 100%. And so again, this is a practice from acceptance and commitment therapy is that it's very, very easy to follow what social mores would dictate, but that's not necessarily your value. And so the practice to clarify what's important for you and your family, and to recognize that that's going to bring up discomfort of, I'm doing something really different than other people are doing.
I, my kids have a lot of afternoons that they don't have extracurriculars. And not only is it going to bring up discomfort. Do other people think that I don't care or, you know, but it's also, are my kids going to get behind? Are they going to be less competitive when they get to college?
[42:55] But then get curious about that. Like, how much does that really matter? And what does the science say? And hint, hint, like the science actually says that it's good for your kids to do less and that actually they'll be more prepared for college if they know how to be on their own. How to be a little bored. How to not be directed in activities from adult constantly. That all of those are really good things. So some of those social pressures and some of those fears that are embedded in us in our weird society turn out to be pretty false. And yet they're driving a lot of our parenting behavior. And so by unhooking from it and clarifying your personal family values, you get to follow dictates that are a lot more fitting and value aligned. Yeah, which makes you with that better work family enrichment. Exactly. We've brought it full circle so this is a great time to wrap things up. This has been such a helpful conversation. I know that so many parents are gonna wanna learn more about you and what you do. So before I ask you my last question, maybe you could just tell everyone
[43:56] where they can find out more about you. What's the best place to connect? Sure, you can follow me if you like Sarah's podcast. You might also like mine, which again is called Psychologists Off The Clock and you can find that wherever you get your podcasts. And my writing website is workparentthrive.com, which is also the title of my book. It's a great title, by the way. I'm currently trying to think of a new name for my business, and I've been thinking about it for six weeks, and I still haven't come up with anything. Titles are so hard. I like peaceful parenting. Well, peaceful parenting is kind of like saying yoga clothes or low-carb diet. There are lots of people who do peaceful parenting. So now that I'm not only myself, it was Sara Rosensweet Peaceful Parenting. But now I have to think of a name that other people will like to say, I'm a blah, blah, blah Peaceful Parenting coach. So if anyone listening has an idea, let me know. Actually, probably by the time this podcast comes out I'll have thought of something. So okay, so one of the last questions that I wanna ask you is a question that I ask all my guests,
[44:56] which is if you could go back in time to your younger parent's self, what advice would you give yourself? It's a good question. I mean, I think the biggest tip that I would give myself is not, but the problem is, I think that my husband gave me this advice, I just could not hear it, but it would be don't sweat the small stuff. Because when your kids are little, I think this is especially true for mom, and I think there is a biological drive and there's definitely a social motivation for this. We just worry about all the things, like the amount of sleep that I lost over what they were eating or not eating the poop or the motor development that they were having, it was just agony. I worried over so many things that were just non-issues. So it would be don't sweat the small stuff, and maybe even look at the data for what actually you need to worry about because then it would give me something to do when worries came up as opposed to just ruminating on them.
[45:57] I love that. I saw this comedian once, it was like a YouTube video or something, where she was at a pretend job interview, and the person interviewing her started asking her questions and he said, so when did you first learn to walk? When did you take your first steps? And she was like, what? And he said, so when did you stop pooping in your pants? And like, just all of these, you know, the things that we worry about when they're little that really have no bearing on their adult lives, right? 100%. And that's why I love parenting writers, including Melinda Winter-Moyer and Emily Oster, because they help parents to dive into some of the data in really accessible ways. Like none of that stuff matters, nobody's gonna ask you on your job interview. The likelihood that it's a problem is so small and the attention that we're giving to it is really blinding us from many other things that matter a lot more. Even just in terms of our enjoyment of the moment. Yeah, for sure. Well, thank you so much. This has been a great conversation and thanks for your time today. Thank you so much for having me. It was such an honour and so much fun to speak with you.
[46:59] Thanks. Thanks for listening to this week's episode. I hope you found this conversation insightful and exactly what you needed in this moment. Be sure to subscribe to the show on your favourite podcast platform, and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. Remember that I'm rooting for you. I see you out there, showing up for your kids and doing the best you can. Sending hugs over the airwaves today. Hang in there. You've got this."
★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★

The discussion revolves around the importance of not constantly worrying about the judgment of others regarding parental decisions, such as how often kids are bathed.

カタストロフィー：他人による判断について絶えず心配しないことの重要性についての議論が行われています。例えば、子供がどのくらいの頻度でお風呂に入れられるかといった親としての決定についてです。

It addresses the value in teaching children to look after themselves and to be able to handle instances of boredom and self-direction.

子供に自己管理を教え、退屈な状況や自己指導の状況をどう扱うかを学ばせる価値について言及しています。

The discussion suggests that societal pressures and fears embedded in society can often be misguided and may drive detrimental parenting behavior.

社会的な圧力や社会に深く根ざした恐怖は、誤った方向に導かれがちであり、これが有害な親としての行動を促す可能性があると議論しています。

There was also discussion on detecting and clarifying personal family values irrespective of societal norms to enable better work and family enrichment.

社会的な規範にかかわらず、個人的な家族の価値観を見つけて明確にし、より良い仕事と家族の豊かさを実現することについても議論が行われました。

The advice "don't sweat the small stuff" was highlighted, emphasizing not to overly worry about small parental issues that may not have a huge impact on children's futures.

「些細なことは気にしない」というアドバイスが強調され、子供の将来に大きな影響を与えない小さな親としての問題について過度に心配しないことが強調されています。

★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】

Sarah's podcast（サラのポッドキャスト）

Psychologists Off The Clock（サイコロジスト・オフ・ザ・クロック）

workparentthrive.com（ワークペアレントスライブ（.com)）

Melinda Winter-Moyer（メリンダ・ウインターモイヤー）

Emily Oster（エミリー・オスター）

【英単語】

judgment（判断）

acceptance（受け入れ）

commitment（コミットメント）

values（価値観）

competitive（競争力）

discomfort（不快感）

enrichment（濃密化）

【英語フレーズ】

in lockstep（行動を合わせて）

go against the grain（一般的な考え方に反して行動する）

being on their own（自分自身でいる）

don't sweat the small stuff（些細な事に気を取られない）

the idea of trying to do less（少ないことを試みるという考え）

afternoons that they don't have extracurriculars（余暇時間がない午後）

hints that really matter（本当に大切なヒント）