Self-Care Is An Inside Job

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↑こちらのポッドキャストを、先日書いた↓こちらの文字起こしアプリで起こしてみた。
thunder0512.hatenablog.com

長いので、主な注意点を最初に🙏

• [mm:ss]というタイムスタンプは、入っているところと入っていないところがあります。ChatGPT3.5の限界です。
• 「-Japan（日本）」「-Barak Obama（バラク・オバマ）」というのも、単語帳作成のためのプロンプト中に例として挙げたものです。これまたChatGPT3.5の限界です。
• その他にも日本語訳が抜けているなど不完全な部分は多々あるかと思いますが、基本的にはChatGPT3.5の限界だと思ってご了承ください。。
• 誤訳や不完全な文字起こしがあったとしても、なんの責任も負えませんので、ご自身で確かめながらご利用ください。
• 今回まさかの途中中国語になってる…なぜ…笑

We have a great victim of dysfunction. We have a great victim of abuse. And they're so moved by our strengths. We're about to show you what really does take care of us. Our next guest, Dr. Pooja Lakshman. She's a leading author, an internationally recognized and well-known psychiatrist. She's an actor, a therapist, an anchor. She's working on a new book called, The title of her book, Real Self Care, Crystal, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included probably gives you a sense of her unique take on the matter.

What comes up for you when you hear that word self-care and then maybe talk a little bit about how you're like rebranding it.
Yeah, absolutely.
So I think the classic example is in my practice, you know I'm a psychiatrist, on women's mental health. So all my patients are women and most of them are moms, not all but a good number of them are moms. So it's the patient who comes in and it's like, you know, Dr. Lecterman, [1:00] I'm stressed out, I'm burnt out, I'm not sleeping well, I'm not eating well, and I feel like it's my fault because you know I have this meditation app that I know I'm supposed to be using and I know I should go to yoga and I know I should do X, Y, Z, but I just don't have the time. I don't know how to find the time. And so then I feel bad and I feel guilty and I feel ashamed. So essentially I'm screaming to my patients all the time, like, this isn't your fault. The game is rigged. And I wrote for The New York Times, I think last year or the year before, that this is betrayal, not burnout. That the systems that we're living in are completely stacked against us. And especially for your audience, parents, right? We know. In America, and I know there's folks internationally in the Good Inside community. And so, this isn't just an American problem. I think everywhere, globally... being a caregiver of any kind, whether it's to little kids [2:00] or whether it's to other family members. You know, you are front and center in sort of the fight for constantly having to figure out how to navigate your own needs and preferences and demands and to be giving to the people you're responsible for and then living in a social structure where that's not supported? It's not made like that for us. So, getting back to your original question, you know, part of what I wanted to really be putting out there is that, and you know this as a psychologist, like the reality is that there are best practices. There are things that we can do to take back our agency. Those are internal. They're not necessarily something that you buy or something that you check off a list and so I'm reframing self-care as something that is a verb, not a noun. It's something that we do on the inside, and so I think it's really kind of the perfect conversation to be having with you, sort of especially in the parenting space, [3:04] you know, in the Good Inside community. I think it really is about like bringing it back to the internal. We'll be right back. music

Can I tell you the two main reasons I avoided working out for so long? 1. I didn't want to make any more decisions. What kind of workout to do? What exercise to do next? Ugh decision fatigue! 2. I didn't want to feel guilty if I couldn't keep up a routine. I'd been there before and I did not want to be there again. But then my friend told me about Future, a personal training app that matches you with a coach who's all about meeting your needs, no matter where you are in your fitness journey. Future takes the work out of working out, and the guilt out of missing a day. First of all, I don't have to make any decisions. My coach Kelly knows my goals, to work out for 22 minutes, two times per week, with a focus on building strength and bone density. [4:04] And she tells me exactly what to do during that time. And when I miss it, Kelly is so understanding, she's a parent too, she gets it and she just reschedules the workout for me or replaces a workout with a recovery day which makes me feel like I'm honoring my body not letting myself down. I can't imagine there's a better option for parents and I mean it. I'm a legit future user, I'm an obsessive fan, I literally talk about it with everybody I know and I ask them to share a major discount, their biggest one, so you could try it out yourself. Right now, Good Inside listeners receive 50% off their first month of Future, a $100 value. Sign up today at future.co/goodinside. That's future.co/goodinside.

So real self-care, faux self-care. Can you differentiate these two?
Yeah. So the faux self-care is the bubble bath, the massage, the yoga class. And before anybody comes at me, because I know people who love their massages and their bubble baths are listening and just like, but I love that. It's not that those are bad. I'm not trying to demonize them. It's all about how. How you come to the thing. So here's an example. there could be a person, a mom, let's say, who is sitting in her bubble bath, seething in anger and resentment because the dishes are piled up. The kids don't have their lunches ready for school the next day. All the stuff that was supposed to be done in the house didn't get done. And she is using the bubble bath as an escape from the hard conversation, maybe that she needs to be having with her partner. On the other hand, somebody could be in that bubble bath, and they could have done the hard work of setting boundaries, bringing compassion to themselves, having a hard conversation [6:08] with their partner about the mental load and the division of labor and what needs to happen. They could actually really be present in that bath and know that they need an hour a week where their partner does bedtime, and they get to relax. That's a really different bubble bath. So it's less about demonizing any of these methods, right? I call these things the methods and more about bringing our attention to the principles, the internal principles of how you actually get to the thing. Well, it seems like you're talking less about form. You're like, let's move away from form and let's really pay attention to what's going on in you. You said, I love this line, you say, like real self-care is an inside job. the data your body gives you about how it feels, what's going on for you, if you're getting what you need. That's way more important data than the thing of how it looks on the surface, the form it takes. Yeah, like bring it back to process, [7:09] which makes sense. Like given our expertise is, we're always sort of thinking about what's the why, what's the how. And when you get too far away from the how and the why, That's when it's easy to sort of get lost. And I think in particular for moms, like part of the reason that the faux self care feels faux is because we are, you know, you're given sort of like a suggestion. Well, why don't you just meditate? Or like, why don't you go to yoga? Or why don't you get a massage? And it kind of feels like, well, that might work for someone else, but you need to figure out your actual internal process, and then figure out what your form of real self-care is. It takes actually a little bit deeper reflection, sort of understanding of your own unique family situation, circumstances, life stage, you know, all of those different things to know what your exact form is going to be. And so, I imagine people listening to this thinking, yes, that, that makes so much sense. [8:13] and that is why maybe the bubble bath or massage doesn't work for me. Maybe there's nothing wrong with me. Maybe that just doesn't work for me, right? I often think that's a kind of a fork in the road. Something's wrong with me, or this isn't working for me. And that

★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★
我們有一個嚴重受到功能障礙和虐待的受害者。我們的能力讓他們感動到。我們即將展示給你看，真正照顧我們的是什麼。下一位嘉賓是Pooja Lakshman博士。她是一位頂尖的作者，國際上公認且知名的精神科醫生。她是一位演員，治療師，主持人。她正在撰寫一本名為《真正的自我照顧：水晶，淨化和泡泡浴均不包括在內》的新書，這本書的標題可能讓你對她獨特的觀點有所感悟。

当你听到“自我照顾”这个词时，你脑海浮现的是什么？然后，也许可以谈一下你如何重新包装它。

是的，当然。

所以，在我的实践中，我认为最经典的例子就是女性心理健康。所以我的患者都是女性，其中大多数是妈妈，虽然并非全部。患者进来时说：“Lecterman博士，我压力很大，我筋疲力尽，睡不好觉，吃不好东西，我觉得这都是我的错，因为我知道我应该使用这个冥想应用程序，我知道我应该去做瑜伽，我知道我应该做X、Y、Z，但我就是没有时间。我不知道怎样找到时间。所以，我感到糟糕、内疚和羞耻。所以，我一直在向我的患者大喊，这不是你的错。这个游戏是设定好的。我在纽约时报上写过一篇文章，我认为这不是疲劳，而是受背叛。我们生活在一个完全对我们不利的体制中。特别是对于你们的观众，父母们，对吧？我们知道。在美国，我知道好内部社群中也有国际朋友。所以，这不仅仅是一个美国的问题。我认为在全球范围内，无论是照顾小孩还是其他家庭成员，你都处在一个不被支持的社会结构中。它不是为我们设计的。所以，回到你最初的问题，作为一名心理学家，我真正想传达的是，实际上有一些最佳实践。有一些我们可以采取的方法来重新获得主动权。它们是内在的。它们不一定是你购买的东西或者列表上打勾的东西，所以我将自我照顾重新定义为一种动词而不是名词。它是我们在内心做的事情，所以我认为这确实是一次完美的对话，与你一起进行，特别是在育儿领域，你知道，在好内部社群中。我觉得这真的是将它带回到内在的一种方式。我们马上回来，音乐。

能告诉你两个我长期以来避免锻炼的主要原因吗？1. 我不想再做任何决定。做什么样的锻炼？下一步做什么样的运动？唉，决策疲劳！2. 如果我无法保持锻炼的习惯，我不想感到内疚。我以前经历过那种情况，我不想再遇到了。但是我的朋友告诉我Future，一款个人训练应用程序，可以为你找到一个完全符合你需求的教练，无论你的健身旅程处于哪个阶段。Future让锻炼变得轻松，不会因为错过一天而感到内疚。首先，我不需要做任何决定。我的教练Kelly了解我的目标，每周两次锻炼，每次22分钟，专注于增强力量和骨密度。她会告诉我该做什么。而且当我错过锻炼时，Kelly非常理解，她也是一个父母，她明白，并会为我重新安排锻炼时间，或者用恢复日替代锻炼，这让我感觉我在尊重自己的身体，而不是让自己失望。对于父母来说，我无法想象还有什么更好的选择。我是一个真正的Future用户，我是一个狂热的粉丝，我和我认识的每个人都在谈论它，并请他们分享一个折扣，他们最大的折扣，这样你就可以自己尝试一下。现在，Good Inside听众可以享受Future首月50％的折扣，价值100美元。立即在future.co/goodinside注册。就是future.co/goodinside。

真正的自我照顾和人为的自我照顾有什么区别吗？

是的。所谓的人为自我照顾是指泡澡、按摩、瑜伽课程。在任何人前来指责我的时候，因为我知道喜欢按摩和泡澡的人都在听，而且他们会说：“但是我喜欢那个。”并不是说这些东西不好。我不是要妖魔化它们。关键在于如何。你对待这件事的方式。举个例子。可能有一个人，比如说一个妈妈，坐在泡澡中，充满愤怒和怨恨，因为堆积如山的杂物和孩子们没有准备好第二天的午餐。所有本来应该完成的家务都没有完成。她使用泡澡作为逃避与伴侣需要进行的艰难对话。另一方面，有人可能坐在泡澡中，他们可能已经努力设置了界限，给自己带来了同情心，与伴侣进行了一次艰难的对话，谈论了精神负担和劳动分工以及需要发生的事情。他们可能真正专注于泡澡，知道他们需要每周有一个小时的时间，让伴侣负责孩子的睡前事务，让自己放松。那就是一个完全不同的泡澡。所以，它与妖魔化任何这些方法无关，对吧？我称这些方法为手段，而更关注的是原则，关注你实际上如何达到目标的内在原则。是的，以看上去的形式而不是实质为导向，你说的很对。带回过程的重要性，这是有道理的。考虑到我们的专长，我们总是在思考为什么，如何。当你离开了如何和为什么，就容易迷失方向。我认为特别对于妈妈们来说，人造的自我照顾感觉是人为的，是因为有人会给你提建议。比如说，你为什么不冥想一下？或者去做瑜伽？或者去按摩？但是这似乎是好像对其他人有用，但你需要找出你自己的内在过程，然后找出你真正的自我照顾形式。这需要更深入的思考，对你自己独特的家庭情况，环境，生活阶段等的理解，知

★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】

• Dr. Pooja Lakshman（プージャ・ラクシュマン）: 医者、著者、心理学者
• The New York Times（ニューヨーク・タイムズ）: アメリカの新聞社
• America（アメリカ）

【英単語】

• dysfunction（機能不全）
• abuse（虐待）
• strengths（強み）
• victim（被害者）
• author（著者）
• psychiatrist（精神科医）
• therapist（セラピスト）
• anchor（アンカー）
• book（本）
• title（題名）
• Real Self Care（真のセルフケア）
• Crystal（クリスタル）
• Cleanses（クレンジング）
• Bubble Baths（バブルバス）

【コロケーション】

• take care of（〜の世話をする）
• show you（あなたに示す）
• comes up（浮かび上がる）
• rebranding（再ブランディング）
• stressed out（ストレスを感じる）
• burnt out（疲れ果てた）
• sleeping well（良い睡眠をとる）
• eating well（健康的に食べる）
• meditation app（瞑想アプリ）
• go to yoga（ヨガに行く）
• find the time（時間を見つける）
• feel bad（気分が悪い）
• feel guilty（罪悪感を感じる）
• feel ashamed（恥ずかしさを感じる）
• screaming to（叫びながら）
• is rigged（操作されている）
• betrayal（裏切り）
• burnout（燃え尽き症候群）
• systems（システム）
• living in（生活している）
• stacked against（不利になっている）
• internationally（国際的に）
• caregiver（介護者）
• front and center（中心に立って）
• navigate（航海する）
• internal（内部の）
• external（外部の）
• reframing（再構築）
• verb（動詞）
• noun（名詞）
• perfect conversation（完璧な会話）
• work out（トレーニングする）
• decisions（決断）
• workout（トレーニング）
• routine（日課）
• guilt（罪悪感）
• exercise（エクササイズ）
• future（将来）
• trainer（トレーナー）
• coach（コーチ）
• match（合致させる）
• fitness（フィットネス）
• journey（旅）
• work out（運動する）
• build（築く）
• strength（力）
• bone density（骨密度）
• reschedules（再スケジュール）
• replaces（置き換える）
• recovery day（回復日）
• fan（ファン）
• discount（割引）
• option（選択肢）
• faux（偽の）
• differentiate（区別する）
• bubble bath（入浴剤）
• massage（マッサージ）
• yoga class（ヨガクラス）
• demonize（悪者にする）
• resentment（憤り）
• dishes（食器）
• lunches（昼食）
• escape（逃避）
• hard conversation（難しい会話）
• partner（パートナー）
• boundaries（境界）
• compassion（思いやり）
• attention（注意）
• principles（原則）
• internal（内的な）
• external（外的な）
• process（過程）
• form（形）
• pay attention（注意を払う）
• expertise（専門知識）
• reflection（反省）
• unique（ユニークな）
• family situation（家族の状況）
• circumstances（状況）
• life stage（人生の段階）
• fit（適合する）
• suggestion（提案）
• meditate（瞑想する）
• get lost（迷う）

So many of us talk about boundaries, and it's funny, I think boundaries have become sort of a buzzword. One of my pet theories for why that is, is because it's so hard, it's actually really hard to set boundaries, and that's why we're all talking about it, because we know how hard it is. But that's step one of real self-care because without the boundary, the boundary is how you even take back the space to even begin to figure out what you want and what you need. And I think, there, Pudra, like I'm just thinking this as we talk, I think boundaries has become such a hot topic.

[10:15]
because there's more coming at us and more threatening to flow into us than there ever was. Like I often think about my parents. My mom was a working inside the home mom, three kids, right? I'm one of three. And if she wanted to, I don't know, take a break or something like that, do something, she wasn't confronted not only with her kids, but she wasn't confronted by social media, by the ding on her phone, by the email, by the thing she could order right away on Amazon. And so setting a boundary, I think it used to be easier because there wasn't so much flowing in about all this information, all these tasks. Now, for me, I have three kids, too, and if I want to set a boundary, not only do I have to say something to my kids, which my mom maybe would have also, I'm not available, I'm doing something. I also have to set a boundary against all this technology and the ability to do a million things on my phone. There's always, I can do this, I can get this done,

[11:16]
I have to respond to that text message, there's an email, there's a bill to pay, there's so much we can do that I think boundary setting is harder and more important than ever. Yeah, I 100% agree. You know, when I was pregnant with my son, who's now almost 10 months old, which is just wild. I was talking to my psychoanalyst, who is over 60, and she was basically saying the same thing. Like, she was kinda just like, I am so glad that I parented before social media and phones and all these things because it's just constantly there, and the stimulation, and I also think part of it, too, especially in the parenting conversation is that I think we all really want to be doing a good job. We all want to be effective and to know that we matter, that we're doing the right things. And so I think especially with our phones, you know the dopamine hit that you get from sort of like sending a quick email reply or checking something off the list, it's so seductive and powerful that you have to really kind of take a

[12:19]
a step back to understand like what's happening and then figure out a way to bring yourself out of it. And I will say for myself, it's really hard. It's really hard. I'm by no means perfect at this, I'm not even great at it, the technology stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't put myself, I would not put myself in the good category either. Okay, so your principles around real self-care. So one is setting boundaries, right? Because in order to have space for yourself, in order to have space to even wonder what could feel good to yourself, you need to protect yourself and that goes back to boundaries. Okay, so what else? What else kind of comes into play in terms of those principles? Yeah, so the next principle, principle number two is self-compassion. And I kind of always thought of self-compassion previously as sort of like woo-woo, a little bit eye-rolly. But the conceptualization that I use for self-compassion comes from Dr. Kristen Nef, the foremost researcher on self-compassion, and when we're talking about self-compassion here in

[13:21]
this context, it's about how you talk to yourself and it's pulling from psychological flexibility from ACT, acceptance and commitment therapy. So it's more about really paying attention to that inner critic that is sort of always there and sort of always telling you, well, you could have done more. You didn't do enough. You're not good enough and pushing back on that voice and saying, but wait, gosh, why am I so mean to myself? Where did I learn that? Huh. Ouch. Would I talk to a friend that way? And I know you talk about this, too, kind of this martyr mode that we get into, especially for moms, and sort of recognizing when that's happening, and instead of falling into selfless or selfish, finding that middle ground of good enough. And with self-compassion, I think the thing that I always come back to is you have to remember that you're the only person that can give that to yourself.

[14:22]
If you're waiting around for somebody else to give you that permission, it's not going to come. How do you feel like parents start that? Because it is so natural for so many people to struggle and then blame themselves and then layer on shame. Oh, I'm such an idiot. I can't believe I did that. Oh, no other parent would have, you know, yelled at their kid in that way. Or I told myself I would go to the gym today, not from a place of shame, from a place of empowerment. And I still didn't. What is wrong with me? Like, where does someone start? They're like, okay, I remember that. Second principle, I have to build self-compassion. Well, that was not very self-compassionate. Like, what could come next? Yeah. So I think of two things. One is coming back to, again, the system is rigged. So the reason it's so hard is because a lot of the expectations that are put on parents are totally make-believe, really. You know, that it's really tough to make these choices and the outside system is really pushing

[15:24]
against us. Whether we're talking about patriarchy, whether we're talking about white supremacy, whether we're talking about end-stage capitalism, all these different things, right, they're all pushing against us. So you making the decision as a parent to try and exercise three times a week is actually, that's a radical decision. And there's a reason that it feels hard. Second, I would say, instead of beating yourself up, understand that, you know, this is a marathon. Like all of these habits, whatever it is, it takes time to put them into place, and the goal is not perfection here. Yes, of course, there are going to be days where you don't get to it, where it doesn't work, where things fall apart. And the actual practice is just getting back, getting back on the horse, right? It's not about achieving 100%. It's not about getting all the gold stars. It's actually, well, what do you do when it doesn't go to plan? I had an advisor when I was in my training who said like the marker of success actually

[16:30]
is what someone does after they fail. That's sort of the real prognostic indicator of kind of psychological health. So that's the other piece. And I also just want to add, like, I recognize, too, like, it's really tough. It's not like any of this stuff is easy in terms of even the self-compassion, but I think when you start to think of it more from, like we've been saying, an internal lens. How do I talk to myself when I don't get that run in, when I don't do the thing that I know is good for me, even though I really intended to? Can I give myself the same compassion that I would want to give my child? Can I model that for myself? Like that's a really powerful intervention. If this episode resonated with you and maybe also it left you with a lot of questions, a lot of things you want to talk about with someone else, I seriously have the power to change that. We have the perfect thing for you.

[17:30]
In our upcoming podcast club within the GoodInside membership, we are going to be discussing this episode. It's member-led. It's a small intimate group where you can ask your questions and

★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★

• Boundaries have become a buzzword and are difficult to set due to the constant flow of information and tasks.
• Setting boundaries is more important than ever because of technology and the ability to multitask.
• Social media, phones, and constant stimulation make it harder for parents to set boundaries and take breaks.
• Self-compassion is crucial in overcoming the inner critic and finding a middle ground between selfless and selfish.
• Parents should recognize that the system is rigged and that it takes time to establish new habits, and it's okay to have setbacks and failures.

★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】

• Japan（日本）
• Barak Obama（バラク・オバマ）

【英単語】

• boundaries（境界）
• self-care（自己のケア）
• theory（理論）
• buzzword（時のトレンド）
• space（スペース）
• real（本当の）
• begin（始める）
• figure out（理解する）
• threaten（脅かす）
• flow into（流入する）
• confront（直面する）
• ding（通知音）
• order（注文する）
• step back（立ち止まる）
• understand（理解する）
• hard（困難）
• perfect（完璧な）
• effectiveness（効果）
• matter（大切さ）
• dopamine hit（ドーパミンの放出）
• reply（返信）
• check off（チェックする）
• seductive（魅力的な）
• powerful（強力な）
• technology（テクノロジー）
• category（範疇）
• principle（原則）
• compassion（思いやり）
• woo-woo（非科学的な）
• eye-rolly（あまり興味のない）
• conceptualization（概念化）
• inner critic（内なる批評家）
• push back（抵抗する）
• mean（意地悪な）
• learn（学ぶ）
• talk（話す）
• martyr mode（犠牲者モード）
• selfless（利他的な）
• selfish（利己的な）
• middle ground（折り合い）
• give permission（許可を与える）
• blame（責める）
• layer on（追加する）
• shame（恥）
• empowerment（力を与える）
• expectation （期待）
• tough（困難な）
• choose（選択する）
• push against（逆らう）
• exercise（運動）
• radical（根本的な）
• fall apart（崩壊する）
• marathon（マラソン）
• perfection（完璧さ）
• gold star（金のスター）
• go to plan（計画通りに進む）
• mark（指標）
• psychological health（心理的健康）
• intervention（介入）

Like is it gonna be a potluck? Are you gonna have it at the park or are you gonna have people dress up in costumes? And then from that, you sort of look at, Oh, well, like what are the values that came out there? For me, it's really important that everyone's having like laughing. Maybe silliness and humor, for me, is something that really fills me up.

So then how do I bring that into my parenting? Maybe I should look at having more kind of unstructured, spontaneous time on the weekends with my kids. So there's so many different ways you can go with that, but when I'm talking about values, that's what I mean, sort of like the how. And then the last principle is remembering that this is power. This whole process of reconceptualizing self-care and taking ownership of it for ourselves, this is about taking power back from oppressive systems. So you know, Audre Lorde said that self-care is self-preservation. [19:35]

So in the choices that we make in our own families, in our own workplaces, in our own communities, that's how we model for others that change is possible. And I'm just thinking about those principles, right? self-compassion, values, power. And one of the things I think about a lot is if we go back to our earliest days, maybe not day one, but let's say, I don't know, one, seven, eight, nine or something like that, right? I'm just thinking about our experiences as a baby where you're hungry, you scream and cry out for food. I don't know any baby who's like, oh, am I asking for too much? Like, maybe it's too much. much. You know, like, I feel bad. I'm not going to, I'm not going to ask. That's not what happens, at least right away. Or you are working on crawling and you don't get it that day. I just don't know what baby is like, Oh, I'm such an idiot. Like I'm, I wanted to do that and I can, I'm an awful baby, right. Or, you know, and so what that always makes me think about is like, we were not born questioning ourselves. We were not born wondering if we too much. We were not born being critical, after we struggled with something we wanted to do. Like those voices were not there. And so that gives me a lot of compassion toward myself when I notice those voices activate and kind of say, Well, I've taken in these voices over the course of my years, but like, they weren't there to begin with. And that gives me a little distance from them. Yeah. Yeah. And also brings like a little humor, which to me always helps you know, move things forward. Yeah, absolutely. I think that's really powerful, and such a nice reminder. My son has just learned to crawl, which is a really fun age. Yeah, he's just going for it. He's just going for it. He's hurling himself everywhere, which is really fun. But yeah, there's not a doubt in his mind that he can do what he wants to do. And he inconveniences you all the time. Because then you're like, oh, I got to pick you up. Oh, you're crawling toward our knife block or whatever it is. You're like I got to stop what I'm doing like our babies, especially they inconvenience us all the time. They wake us up in the middle of the night because they're hungry like they don't not do that right because it might inconvenience us. They are very willing to like step into their power. We at one point were very willing to step into our power. Yeah, and I think like once you sort of recognize that it's it's easier to feel it and to kind of visualize what that was like. Because everybody I think can think back to a time like you were saying in our younger years before we knew that we were supposed to sort of turn the volume down. And I think about sort of in the parenting conversation, I think sometimes that I do think sometimes I can feel there could be some grief around this. I think like kind of feeling like, well, but now my life is such that I need to be the person that is sort of constantly watching out for the knife blocks and sort of like hypervigilant right because if I'm not there doing that, will things go off the rails? And so I also want to sort of just say that I think we can trust ourselves, you know, we can trust ourselves to understand that this is a balance and that like by you sort of constantly assuming that there is something good that comes when you're able to reaccess that part of your humanity and we're not saying it's sort of like all the time willy nilly, but that when you're able to remember it and feel it and then thread that through your week, you're parenting from a very different space. Yeah.

So what are the parents who are listening who are thinking like, it's just like one more thing on my list. Like I am in it. I am totally in it. I am just trying to survive a kind of surviving versus thriving a kind of difference. Where does self-care fit in there?

Yeah, so this is a question I've been thinking a lot about because I think when you're surviving, when you're in that surviving place, sometimes you really do need those life rafts of the self. You just need the escape. You need to be able to just sit there and doom scroll, if you're going to doom scroll. Or to just totally zone out to some Netflix and not beat yourself up for it. I think that knowing where you are on the map is really important. And this is also why boundaries is the first principle. And like we're just always kind of coming back to boundaries. Because when you're in that survival space, usually, not all the time, but usually, it means that you have too much. You're doing too much. Yeah. And so step one is kind of learning to figure out, what are the things that you can let go?

And I fully disclose in the book. I say, but sometimes it feels like all of the things, they're all glass balls, right? There's no rubber ball. They're all glass balls. if I let one thing go, it's going to break and shatter." I think that's where you have to really learn to trust your community, your relationships, where you have to develop some of these skills of asking for help. This is really a process of getting creative and understanding that none of us can do this alone.

Yeah, and something I want to add to everyone listening who's in that kind of surviving stage is, if you're in a surviving – not at all thriving – stage, it feels like you're in a hole. Like, it feels like you're in a hole. And it does take energy to get out of a hole, I agree, and there's times you don't have energy. And to me when I'm in one of those phases one of the things I try to imagine is, Becky, can I just not dig this deeper? Because that also takes energy. Like, okay, I don't have energy to climb out but it actually also takes energy to dig deeper into the hole. And when we think about self-care as an action to take, I gotta get to that yoga class. I gotta take that bubble bath. Oh, I have to order a bubble bath with a scent I like. Then, yeah, it's like, I don't have energy to do that, and I think it's okay to say, that's true. You really might not. But when you think about self-care as an inside job, like you say, well, can I today, just be a little more aware of how I talk to myself? Because every time I tell myself I'm a piece of blank, every time I say I'm the worst parent in the world, I actually am using more energy than I think to dig myself. I don't have that energy. If I had that energy, I should probably do something to move myself up. At least let me not dig myself deeper. So if I can say to myself, which takes not a lot of time, maybe it

★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★

• The speaker discusses the importance of values such as laughter, silliness, and humor in their life.
• They contemplate how to incorporate these values into their parenting, suggesting more unstructured time with their children.
• The speaker emphasizes that reconceptualizing self-care and taking ownership of it is a way to reclaim power from oppressive systems.
• They reflect on how as babies, they did not question themselves or feel critical, and use this as a reminder to have compassion towards themselves.
• The speaker encourages listeners to trust themselves and find a balance between surviving and thriving, by setting boundaries and asking for help when needed.

★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
Vocabulary List:

【固有名詞】

• Audre Lorde（オードリ・ロード）
• Japan（日本）
• Barak Obama（バラク・オバマ）

【英単語】

• self-care（自己ケア）
• power（力）
• values（価値観）
• parenting（子育て）
• compassion（思いやり）
• self-compassion（自己思いやり）
• self-preservation（自己保存）
• change（変化）
• oppression（抑圧）
• modeling（模範）
• distancing（距離を置く）
• humor（ユーモア）
• crawling（はう）
• doubt（疑い）
• inconvenience（不便）
• grief（悲しみ）
• hypervigilant（極度の警戒）
• balance（バランス）
• surviving（生き延びる）
• thriving（繁栄）
• doom scroll（ネガティブな情報に引きずり込まれること）
• boundaries（境界）
• community（コミュニティ）
• relationships（関係）
• asking for help（助けを求める）
• creative（創造的）
• energy（エネルギー）
• hole（穴）
• bubble bath（泡風呂）
• scent（香り）
• inside job（内側の仕事）
• aware（意識的な）
• talk to oneself（自己への会話）
• worst（最悪）

【コロケーション】

• take ownership of（所有権を持つ）
• bring into（持ち込む）
• fill up（満たす）
• step into（取り組む）
• turn the volume down（音量を下げる）
• thread through（行き渡らせる）
• feel it（感じる）
• reaccess（再びアクセスする）
• visualize（視覚化する）
• survive a kind of（ある種の生き延びる）
• sort of（ある種の）
• kind of（ある種の）
• fit in（適応する）
• turn off the rails（狂わせる）
• sort of like（まあまあ似ている）
• constantly doing（絶えず行う）

Yeah, I think that totally makes sense.

[28:00]
So, one of the things I love in your book is you have a lot of exercises people can do. Could you kind of lead us through, in this moment towards the end of our conversation, could you just lead us through one of them or walk through one of them?
Yeah, absolutely. The dinner party one, I think, is a really nice one to dive deeper into. So maybe we can touch on that a little bit.

SUZANNE MARSHALL
Sure, great.

BRINN NICOLEE
So you're imagining that you have $200 to spend on this dinner party and there's no right or wrong answer of how you're going to approach the dinner party. The whole point is that it's a fantasy, right? And so one way they get a little beat, and they get a little show, and they get a little dance, and they get a little contrast. It's a straight-up conversation. So this is why I bring this up. And so one of the ways that I think about it is that it's not only about acting or food. Or is it about blackfoot? And so the other way to think about this...

[29:03]
...is to really let your mind sort of just dream it up. You know, am I the type of person that really wants folks to show up and have fun? There are no kids. This is definitely a leave your children at home okay. And there's dancing. There's dancing to I don't know, for me it would probably be music that other people are like "Becky, I've heard that song like a hundred times." And I'm like, "Yeah, but I know the lyrics." So I just wanna dance and sing to this very silly song. And it's like a medium-size group, it's not, you know, kind of eight people, but it's not a hundred, right? I don't know. Maybe somewhere 25 to 50, something like that. And there's live music. I'm going to say that there's, well, I guess I can't, I'm not going to do all that for $200, but I'm dreaming. Okay. Okay. Okay. So there's a band who's agreeing. Okay. So that's my, and then the food is just kind of being passed around. It's almost secondary to just the dancing. So what might that tell me?

[30:04]
Right now, I'm like, I have to plan that dinner party, but I don't think I can do that. How can I use that?
Yeah. So for me, the things that stand out to me is the music. The live music, it sounds like that's where the meat is. So I would wonder about that live music. The band. What does that mean to you? Why is it important that there's a band there and what does that band bring in the guests? I want to wonder about the value underneath there. There's something about the spontaneity of having the live music. Something about maybe the connection that having a band brings to a party environment that's different than when there's just a record player or whatever. I'm curious if you want to speak a little bit more on that.

Yeah, I guess I see everyone coming onto The Danceler a little bit more. There's a lot of movement. I really do love to dance so much. It makes me so happy to be dancing with my friends and singing along, and I think a band would kind of, you know, allow that to happen.

[31:08]
Mhm. Mhm. The other thing that I'm hearing in that is that, like, the physicality of it. That word movement. Yes. So this is, like, kind of in this exercise, right? It's sort of like you're pulling out these different words and you're thinking on them, and thinking what they kind of mean in your life. And so if we're talking about something like movement and physicality and valuing that, if that's something that you really enjoy. Maybe embodiment? So like, one way that we could then sort of bring this into real life is like, sure, incorporating dance into your life or with your kids. But actually, it's something much bigger than that. The embodiment, the movement. How do you bring that into your parenting? Is that something that you sit down with your partner and you say, like, how do we find space and time for us in our lives to go out for hikes? to do things in nature, to kind of be together in a physical space that is different than just in our living room watching TV, but how do we bring some of that physicality and connection inside the physicality to our weeks or our months? And again, it's not going to be something you're not going to be able to do it every day, but it really changes your quality of life if you're able to incorporate that even once a month.

You know, this is really interesting because I actually do feel like self-care is something I talk about a lot, and it is something I feel pretty strong at, my boundary setting and I really don't see taking care of myself and taking care of my family as mutually exclusive. I see them as kind of going hand in hand. And probably my primary kind of regular act of self-care that I engage in is on Thursday mornings I meet up with a group of friends and we do this kind of dance-y exercise class together. And it's definitely not like the most intense workout, but we move our bodies and we kind of are in it together. And it's fun, you know. It's really, really fun. And so it is interesting now that I reflect on that, and I wasn't even thinking about that when I shared my dream dinner party with you. But I think for anybody listening, take that dream dinner party and think what values does that suggest? So what parts of that can I replicate? I don't have a live band at this exercise class, okay? That's not happening. But we have a speaker, where there's some pretty loud music, and we can move around, we can be with each other, it's not quite a dance floor, but that does come close enough, and I really do feel that lighting me up inside over the course of my week.

Yeah. Yeah. And I love that too because it's unique to you and it's specific. But with some thought, with some time and reflection, you can find it. And I think that's what's so powerful about this in that we all have the potential to be able to give this to ourselves and it's gonna be different for everybody. Thanks for listening. To share a story or ask me a question, go to goodnesside.com/podcast.

[34:14]
You could also write me at podcast@goodinside.com. Parenting is the hardest and most important job in the world. And parents deserve resources and support so they feel empowered, confident, and connected. I'm so excited to share Good Inside Membership, the first platform that brings together content and experts you trust with a global community of like-valued parents. It's totally game-changing. Good Inside with Dr. Becky is produced by Jessie Baker and Eric Newsome at Magnificent Noise. Our production staff includes Sabrina Farhi, Julia Knatt, and Kristin Muller. I would also like to thank Erica Belsky, Mary Panaco, and the rest of the Good Inside team. And one last thing before I let you go, let's end by placing our hands on our hearts and reminding ourselves. Even as I struggle and even as I have a hard time on the outside, I remain good inside.

★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★

• The dialogue discusses a hypothetical dinner party with a budget of $200
• The focus of the party is on dancing and live music
• The speaker reflects on the importance of movement and physicality in their life
• The conversation shifts to the idea of incorporating dance into parenting and self-care
• The speaker mentions their weekly dance exercise class as a form of self-care and connection

[28:00]
書籍の中で、演習問題があり、会話で説明されている。
[29:03]
夢のディナーパーティのイメージについて話し、ライブ音楽やダンスを重要視している。
[30:04]
音楽と身体的な要素が重要であることについて話し合っている。
[31:08]
身体性や踊りに価値を見出している。
[34:14]
踊りのエクササイズクラスが自己ケアとして言及されている。

★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】

• Barak Obama（バラク・オバマ）
• Suzanne Marshall（スーザン・マーシャル）
• Brinn Nicolee（ブリン・ニコレイ）

【英単語】

• exercises（練習）
• dinner party（夕食会）
• approach（アプローチ）
• fantasy（夢想）
• beat（リズム）
• show（ショー）
• dance（ダンス）
• contrast（対比）
• conversation（会話）
• acting（演技）
• food（食べ物）
• Blackfoot（ブラックフット）
• value（価値）
• spontaneity（自発性）
• band（バンド）
• record player（レコードプレーヤー）
• food（料理）
• dancing（踊り）
• medium-size（中程度の大きさ）
• live music（生演奏）
• group（グループ）
• movement（動き）
• happy（幸せ）
• silly（ばかげた）
• song（曲）
• dream（夢）
• party（パーティー）
• bring（もたらす）
• guest（招待客）
• embodiment（具現化）
• parenting（子育て）
• partner（パートナー）
• hikes（ハイキング）
• nature（自然）
• living room（リビングルーム）
• TV（テレビ）
• quality of life（生活の質）
• self-care（自己ケア）
• boundary setting（境界設定）
• exercise class（エクササイズクラス）
• intense（激しい）
• reflection（反省）
• values（価値観）
• replicate（再現する）
• speaker（スピーカー）
• music（音楽）
• light up（輝かせる）
• listening（聴く）
• platform（プラットフォーム）
• content（コンテンツ）
• experts（専門家）
• membership（会員）
• parents（親）
• game-changing（画期的な）
• Jessie Baker（ジェシー・ベイカー）
• Eric Newsome（エリック・ニューサム）
• Magnificent Noise（マグニフィセント・ノイズ）
• Sabrina Farhi（サブリナ・ファリ）
• Julia Knatt（ジュリア・ナット）
• Kristin Muller（クリスティン・ミュラー）
• Erica Belsky（エリカ・ベルスキー）
• Mary Panaco（メリー・パナコ）
• Good Inside（グッドインサイド）

【コロケーション】

• do exercises（練習する）
• have a dinner party（夕食会を開く）
• approach a dinner party（夕食会にアプローチする）
• a fantasy dinner party（夢想の夕食会）
• get a little beat（少しリズムを感じる）
• get a little show（少しショーを楽しむ）
• get a little dance（少しダンスを踊る）
• get a little contrast（少し対比を感じる）
• have a straight-up conversation（率直な会話をする）
• bring something up（話題を出す）
• dream something up（考えを巡らせる）
• let one's mind sort of just dream it up（思いを巡らせる）
• approach something like movement and physicality（動きや身体性のようなものにアプローチする）
• find space and time（場所と時間を見つける）
• bring some physicality and connection inside the physicality（身体性とつながりを内に持ち込む）
• incorporate something even once a month（1か月に1回でも何かを取り入れる）
• take care of oneself and take care of one's family（自己のケアと家族のケアをする）
• engage in a dance-y exercise class（ダンス風のエクササイズクラスに参加する）
• reflect on something（何かを考える）
• share a dream dinner party（夢の夕食会を共有する）
• replicate parts of something（何かの一部を再現する）
• light someone up inside（内部で輝きを生む）
• struggle on the outside, remain good inside（外で苦しむ、内側で良さを保つ）