さんだーさんだ！（ブログ版）

2015年度より中高英語教員になりました。2020年度開校の幼小中混在校で働いています。

A Peaceful Dad Inspiring Others with DeAntwann ‘DJ’ Johnson

英語 英語学習 podcast 文字起こし

↑こちらのポッドキャストを、先日書いた↓こちらの文字起こしアプリで起こしてみた。
【英語上級者向け】英語ポッドキャストを文字起こし＆要約＆単語抽出【ChatGPTさまさま】 - さんだーさんだ！（ブログ版）

長いので、主な注意点を最初に🙏（GPT-4 APIの使用でだいぶよくなったと思いますが…）

  • [mm:ss]というタイムスタンプは、入っているところと入っていないところがあるかも。
  • 「-Japan（日本）」「-Barak Obama（バラク・オバマ）」があるかも。単語帳作成のためのプロンプト中に例として挙げたものが紛れ込んでいる可能性があります。
  • proofreadについてなど、ChatGPTへのプロンプトを本文と誤認している場合もあるかも。
  • その他にも日本語訳が抜けているなど不完全な部分は多々あるかと思いますが、基本的にはChatGPTの限界だと思ってご了承ください。。
  • 誤訳や不完全な文字起こしがあったとしても、なんの責任も負えませんので、ご自身で確かめながらご利用ください。

"Transcription of 230909_066_A Peaceful Dad Inspiring Others with DeAntwann ‘DJ’ Johnson.mp3
Sarah Rosenthal, MPH
Welcome to the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Rosenthal, mom of three young people, Peaceful Parenting Coach, and your cheerleader and guide on all things parenting. Each week, we'll cover the tools, strategies, and support you need to end the yelling and power struggles and encourage your kids to listen and cooperate so that you can enjoy your family time.

I'm happy to say we have a great relationship with our three kids. The teen years have been easy and joyful, not because we're special unicorns, but because my kids were raised with peaceful parenting. I've also helped so many parents just like you stop struggling and enjoy their kids again. I'm excited to be here with you today, and bring you the insight information you need to make your parenting journey a little more peaceful. Let's dive into this week's conversation.

Hey everyone, welcome back to the peaceful parenting podcast. Our episode today is a guest expert interview and it is so amazing to have a dad on the show who's in the conscious, peaceful, gentle parenting realm who's an expert in the field.

[1:01]
Our guest today is DeAntwann DJ Johnson. He's a husband, father, author, mentor, coach, counselor, and sports statistician. He grew up in Indiana in the foster care system, and yet despite that, he's gone on to lead a successful and fulfilling life. Before spending nine years in the foster care system, DJ suffered child abuse, domestic abuse, and emotional trauma. At one point, he wanted to end his life but he realized that he was on this earth for a purpose. It wasn't an easy road, but DJ was fortunate enough to have several people throughout his life who inspired him to do great things in spite of everything he'd been through. He worked hard to overcome a life full of hardships, humiliation, aggression, and self-esteem issues allowing him to be an active advocate for youth. DJ is a compassionate man who has a special place in his heart for uplifting and inspiring students to be the best that they can be. And I would add to that uplifting and inspiring parents to be the best that they can be.

This was a really wonderful conversation with DJ and I hope that you enjoy it. Hey DJ, welcome to the podcast. Hi Sara, thank you for having me on.

[2:02]
Super excited to be here today. Me too, I'm excited to have you. I'm so glad to have a dad's voice on this podcast because you and I were just chatting before we started and so much of the parenting support world is women and also a lot of people who do a lot of like the people do a lot of the researching about parenting are the moms in the family often. So I'm so happy to have your voice here.

Thank you, appreciate the opportunity and I've noticed a lot more specifically, working with parents, the majority of the parents that come to workshops, come to classes, whatever it might be are female. Like, I don't even know the percentage. It's probably like 90 to 10%. I was gonna say the same thing, yeah. Yeah, 90 versus 10% of males.

So, yeah, so yeah. All right, good. Well, I know from following you on social media that you were not raised with peaceful parenting. How did you come to, I mean, I don't know what you call your style. I know we have gentle parenting, conscious parenting, peaceful parenting.

[3:03]
How did you come to know that you wanted to raise your son this way? So I started working with students in about 2009. And even then, and when I first got into it, I kind of always, at least from that point, kind of got into it and realized like, man, kids are so fun, they're so interesting, and so I was, you know, started to kind of get fascinated by the child around that time, but I still kind of held onto some of the beliefs that was instilled in me from my childhood, kids should be seen and not heard.

I think at that point I didn't commit to whipping or hitting my kid. I kind of always had it in my mind that I wouldn't do that, but I always left it open as if needed or if it got too bad, you know. And I would say about 2014 is where things really changed for me, and that was when I started working with teams and more on a more consistent basis.

[4:05]
So I was kind of in a crossroads. I always felt like I wanted to go into sports and be an athletic director, and at somebody's college, I always say. And that didn't work out. Like I applied, applied, applied, and just didn't get any bites. And so, I kind of opened up my search after some soul searching and ended up finding a position at a nonprofit to work with foster and probation youth.

Now, I'm a former foster youth. I went into the foster care system in about fourth grade. And so, I was like, okay, perfect. You know, I could totally do that. I can totally mentor. I can totally work with these students. And so, I got that job, and that kind of opened up my world working with some students who have been going through things that I had went through in my childhood in a first mentoring and I evolved into a counselor role. They called it an intervention specialist.

And then I started working with parents. And then I hit a road where I was like, okay, there's something happening here. These students are still dealing with the same things that I dealt with in my childhood, a majority of them.

[5:09]
And just to give you context on the type of students that I tend to work with: students that failed classes, behind in credits, came to school smoking weed, came to school drunk, getting into fights, anger issue, all these different things. These are the types of students that I tend to work with. And so the more and more I started working with these students, the more and more I started to shift my kind of view that I had of them, specifically teenagers. Because we'd get this idea about teenagers that they're wilder now, and they just want to control their lives, and they want to do all these things. And they want to challenge us as adults. And we kind of formulate all these ideas about them. And the more I started working with them, the more I was like, man, they're just misunderstood.

And then the more, even more, I started working with them. I'm like the parents misunderstand them the most. And so that's when I first kind of and this is before I had my son, I didn't have my son until we didn't have him until 2017. And so this is about three years of working with teens that I was just like, whoa, like, we gotta do a better job as parents to better connect with these children because we just are not understanding them.

[6:10]
And so between that, between going back to school to get a second Master's in school counseling, which helped me understand child development a little more all those things kind of opened up my mind to really shift to a more conscious, more gentle style of parenting. That is still new. I'm still learning. I'm still figuring it out as I go, but it's one of those things where I'm like, I want different for my son. And this is what it looks like.

I always knew that I wanted it throughout my young adulthood and working with students all these years but now being able to put a name to it, it was like, okay, this is what I want. This is what I want. I love that so much. It gave me chills.

When you were talking about teenagers, my sense is like they don't want connection. Is that what you found? Yes, and I think this is kind of where I think dad's Mr. Mark. I know we're going to talk about that in a minute but I think overall, the old school kind of way I talk about a lot and what I mentioned earlier about how we were raised, like, kids should be seen and not heard. Go play. Go away. Don't be a part of grown-up conversations. If you make a mistake, you're probably going to get hit for it. Like, that's kind of how we were raised.

[7:12]
And in all of that, rarely did I find the old school way, prioritize connection. And so what happens is you have a lot of adults now, including myself who are walking this earth and don't have the best relationship with their parents. They probably tolerate their parents. They probably deal with their parents. They probably do all these things, but they don't have a solid connection if we really ask them, right. If you really challenge them on that.

So for me, when I started working with the students and what was so crazy is people would think that I have some magic elixir or some type of way that I had that I could connect with students. And they're like, man, I don't know how you got this student to do this. I don't know how you were able to get this from that student. And I'm like, I connected with them.

I prioritize getting to know them and understand them."

★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★

  • Sarah Rosenthal hosts the Peaceful Parenting Podcast, where ideas and tips about effective parenting and establishing a peaceful home environment are discussed.
  • DeAntwann DJ Johnson, a guest on the podcast, shares his life story, which includes overcoming a difficult childhood in foster care and ultimately becoming a successful counselor and advocate for vulnerable youth.
  • DJ Johnson challenges the typical narrative about teenagers being unmanageable or wild, instead emphasizing that they are often misunderstood particularly by their own parents, leading to disconnect.
  • DJ mentions he decided to pursue gentle or conscious parenting after working with troubled teens and noticing their need for better connection and understanding from adults.
  • One of DJ’s keys to successfully relating with and guiding troubled youths is making an effort to genuinely connect with them, unlike the old-style parenting which deprioritized connection.
  • サラ・ローゼンタールは、効果的な子育てや平和な家庭環境を築くためのアイデアやヒントが議論される "平和な親のポッドキャスト" のホストです。
  • ポッドキャストのゲストであるディアントワン "DJ" ジョンソンは、自身がマイノリティの青少年のカウンセラーやアドボケートになるまで、フォースターケアでの困難な幼少期を克服した人生を共有します。
  • DJジョンソンは、10代の苦悩や境遇を理解しようとする大人たちによるつながりの欠如が問題であると主張し、一般的に10代は扱いにくいか野生化しているとの典型的な観念に挑戦を挑みます。
  • DJは、問題を抱えた10代の子たちと働いて、大人からより良いつながりと理解を必要としていることを認識したため、穏やかなあるいは意識的な育児を追求しようと決心しました。
  • DJが問題を抱えた若者との関係を成功裏に築き、指導するためのキーの一つは、彼らと真剣につながることを努力することで、これは古風な親のスタイルとは反対のものです。

★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】

【英単語】

  • cheerleader（応援者）
  • struggles（闘争）
  • fulfilling（満足のいく）
  • trauma（トラウマ）
  • statistician（統計学者）
  • insight（洞察力）
  • appreciate（感謝する）
  • mentor（指導者）
  • compassionate（思いやりのある）
  • youth（若者）

【英語フレーズ】

  • inspire others（他人を触発する）
  • listen and cooperate（聞く、協同する）
  • make your parenting journey a little more peaceful（親としての旅路をもう少し平和にする）
  • have a special place in his heart for uplifting others（人を奮い立たせることに特別な愛情を持っている）
  • end his life（自分の命を絶つ）
  • hold onto some beliefs（ある信念を保持する）
  • worked hard to overcome a life full of hardships（困難に満ちた生活を克服するために一生懸命努力した）
  • misunderstand them（彼らを誤解する）
  • do a better job（もっとうまくやる）


"And I think as adults, I think what holds so many adults back,[8:15] male, female, whoever, is they don't take the time to get to know the child in all aspects of who they are. We think we know. We think we have an idea, but we don't prioritize that. And yeah, you're right. Like, connection is absolutely the key to I think all the parenting styles but- Let's- that's the cornerstone. Yeah, the cornerstone of our approach, right?

Two things come to mind when you were talking about that. One is I was just before we got on our call today, I was preparing a presentation for caseworkers working with kids supporting the caregivers of teenagers and they wanted me to talk about discipline, and I realized that I spent the first half of the slides talking about connection, right? Discipline becomes so much less of an issue when you have connection and the relationship and that's what, when kids feel that you care and you know them and they care about you, then you almost, you know, discipline almost becomes secondary in a certain way.

The other thing I was thinking about is that teenagers are so tough because they can be so prickly and you [9:18] think they don't care, right? Like I was at, my son, I mentioned my son who just turned 18. I when I was at one of his baseball games, and was talking to this other mom and she said that she didn't go to games very much until recently because her son had said, Oh, only come if you want to. And I said, Oh, you realize that's code for, I want you to come to my games. But he's not gonna come out and say, Mom, I want you to come to my games because he's 18. He's not gonna say that. And she said, Oh, I realized that now.

But it can be tough because they sometimes seem like they don't care, but they do. I have been explaining the teenager as complicated, but it should be seen in a good way. So it's complicated because your teen smells like an adult, looks like an adult, acts like an adult sometimes, but they're not because of their brain development. Now, somebody might hear that as like, OK, great, that's why I don't treat them as an adult. Well, hold your horses. The other aspect of that is because of the brain development, all the things [10:18] are happening for them, also what's happening for them is their want and need naturally for autonomy over their lives.

And so as a parent of a teen, how can you navigate those waters? How can you balance treating them as an adult as much as you can? I always say, look, a little at a time, the more they can show you that they can handle it, the more that you can give them or you should give them, as far as responsibility and different things like that, things they can handle. But more importantly, we feel like I need to control my team because they're trying really hard to be controlling or take control over their own lives, which is a natural thing.

And so what I find is parents have issues because they fight against that naturally occurring thing for teens when the reality is they should be working with it and putting into their mind... Someday I'm going to make a reel about this. But there's the evolution that we have to have as parents. Our kids go from hyper-dependent on us when they're younger, and it evolves to about [11:20] pre-teen or whatever, where they're less dependent on us and becoming more independent. And by the time they become 17, 18, whatever, maybe even younger, 15, 16, they are seeking more independence.

And so, as a parent, how can we successfully navigate that evolution? Because I think so many of us as parents, especially when it comes to teen, we get stuck on the fact that they were so dependent on us and we take it personally and we're like, you know, we, and the reality is, that should be a sign of, you're doing a good job, parents. That's right. You know what I mean? You're doing what you're supposed to do. So I think the biggest issue that I've seen with parents is that they fight against that want and need for the kid to be more autonomous, more independent, as opposed to working with it and becoming in the guide for your child as opposed to dictator for them.

Yeah, so you say guide versus dictator. I always say we're moving from manager to consultant. Yeah. And when you're a consultant, you have to have a good, like the people have to trust you, right? [12:21] So you hire someone for your company, who's the consultant. Like if you don't trust them and like them, you're not going to listen to what they say and you don't have to listen to what they say. Right?

So we're just back to the relationship again, the connection piece. Okay, let's shift gears a little bit because I really want to talk about fathers. Yeah. In your work, we talked a little before we started recording about dads being a little bit more resistant to the ideas of peaceful, gentle, conscious parenting than moms. Yeah. And what do you think is the reason behind that, and what can we do about it? Like, how can we help dads trust that this approach works? Yeah.

No, I think it's so multi-layered, but I will try my best to come at it from the angle of where I once was before I kind of ventured off into this space. I think gender roles play a huge role in it. We as dads, I think, go into parenthood thinking that mom takes the majority of the responsibilities when it comes to raising a child. I know at one point I believed that me being present would be enough.

Where did I get that from? Well my dad wasn't in my life. And my stepdad was there, but he wasn't. I could remember a few of the things that he did with us as far as activities are concerned. And then the majority of what I remember of him is being a disciplinarian, enforcing his will, and enforcing the fact that he was in charge, and forcing that he was king of the hill, essentially.

And so, I think if a lot of us men were raised in that way, of course, naturally, we're going to ultimately have kids and all those things that kind of were instilled in us from our dads of toughness, and being the man of the house, and being the leader of the house. There were points where my stepdad went to jail as well, too. So, that messaging of like, you're the oldest, I took on all the responsibilities of my siblings.

And so whenever they did something wrong, I got in trouble for it. And so, I think we, personally speaking, I think gender roles, in terms of like what is my role as a dad, I think a lot of dads don't necessarily know that beyond providing financially, beyond maybe supporting our kids in their sports, I don't think a lot of dads know how to support as a dad, beyond those those means. [14:27]

And so I had to understand that because I think you might have a lot of dad, not might, you have a lot of dads out there who I think have that mindset, and they don't even realize that what they've been doing as a dad could be potentially problematic, problematic for their child, ultimately, because we know, I've been researching some stats recently, because I'm going to be doing some dad events coming up.

But like the research says when dad is present, there's a lot of successful outcomes for our kids. And I think there's so many dads out there who don't realize that how they're parenting right now is problematic for the child, more importantly, problematic for their significant other. And if they're married for their co-parent, if they're in that situation as money is part of it.

So gender roles are part of it. I think the awareness around it, I'm sure the spouse or a significant other might complain, might say certain things. But as a dad, we might just look at that as, oh, she's just complaining about some, you know, another thing not really accepting or understanding what it is they're trying to say, I actually was going to create another reel about something that my wife had told me. [15:30]

And I think whenever she used to tell me stuff, I always took it personally. Whenever she used to correct me or do anything, I always would have my guard up as opposed to accepting or heard what she was really trying to tell me. And I think there's so much work that I think dads ultimately have to do, but the first step has to be a level of awareness of, oh, am I?

I think I posed the question like, am I truly being the father that my kid needs me to be, first question? Second question if you're in a relationship and you have a significant other, the dad or father or support system that my significant other needs me to be. I think so many dads, and maybe this is no foul of their own, maybe this is society-driven.

I think we go into parenting with a very selfish mindset of like, man, I want my kid to be great and maybe play sports or do something awesome with their lives, and I want to make sure that I discipline them and make sure that they don't go by the wayside."

★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★

  • The conversation discusses the vital importance of connection and understanding in parenting, particularly with teenagers. Realizing the importance of discipline comes second to creating a good relationship with the child and that children deeply care about parental presence despite seeming to be indifferent.

「この会話では、特に10代の子供たちとの関係で、つながりと理解の重要性を親の視点から話しています。子供との良好な関係を築くことが最も重要で、それを理解することで、ちょっとした規律づけもあまり問題にはならなくなると指摘しています。そして、一見無関心に見えるかもしれない子供たちが、親の存在を深く気にかけていることも伝えています。

  • The speaker emphasizes how the teenage period is complex due to their transition from dependents to individuals seeking independence. Parents should tread a careful balance between treating them as adults and recognizing their developing brains.

「スピーカーは、10代の時期が、依存していた子供から自立を求める個体へと変わる過渡期であるため、複雑な時期であると強調しています。親は彼らを大人として扱いつつ、また彼らの脳が発達途中であることを認識するという、微妙なバランスを取るべきだと述べています。

  • The talk suggests the concept of parents transitioning from dictators to guides as children grow older. The speaker promotes the idea of working with children's desire for autonomy, rather than fighting against it.

「話の中で、子供が成長するにつれて親がディクテーターからガイドへと移行するという概念を提唱しています。また、子供たちの自立願望に逆らうのではなく、それと共に進むべきだという考え方を推奨しています。

  • There is an interesting discussion on fathers' resistance to peaceful and conscious parenting. According to the speaker, gender roles and lack of understanding on their key role in child rearing, beyond just financial provision, play a big role in this.

「平和的で意識的な親子関係を築くことに対する父親たちの抵抗について面白い議論が展開されています。スピーカーによれば、この問題には性別の役割と、ただ経済的に子供を養うだけでなく、育児における自身の重要な役割についての理解不足が大きな役割を果たしているとのことです。

  • The conversation implies the need for fathers to question if they are positively serving their children as needed and to their partners. The speaker adds that fathers might need to develop awareness of their crucial role in the family and work on their self-improvement as parents.

「この会話からは、父親たちにとって、自分が子供たちやパートナーに必要とされるようなポジティブな役割を果たせているかどうかを問いかけ、自分自身を見つめ直す必要があることが示唆されています。スピーカーは、父親たちが家族での重要な役割に気づくことと、親としての自己改善に取り組むことが必要だと付け加えています。

★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】
なし

【英単語】

  • aspects（側面）
  • prioritize（優先する）
  • cornerstone（基盤、基礎）
  • caseworkers（ケースワーカー、社会福祉士）
  • discipline（規律、術策）
  • prickly（イライラした）
  • autonomy（自主性）
  • navigate（航行する、進む）
  • responsibility（責任）
  • dependence（依存）
  • consultant（コンサルタント、顧問）

【英語フレーズ】

  • take the time to（〜する時間を取る）
  • get to know（理解する）
  • come to mind（思い浮かぶ）
  • feel that you care（注意してくれると感じる）
  • comes secondary（後回しになる）
  • hold your horses（気をつける、慌てない）
  • have issues because（〜のために問題を抱える）
  • put into their mind（心の中に入れる、自覚させる）
  • fight against（対抗する）
  • take it personally（個人的に捉える、心にくる）
  • guide versus dictator（ガイドと比べて独裁者）
  • shift gears（戦略を変える）
  • awareness around（〜に対する認識）
  • go into parenthood（親になる）
  • take on all the responsibilities（全責任を持つ）
  • look at that as（それを〜と見る）
  • take it personally（個人的にとる）
  • selfish mindset（自己中心的な考え方）
  • go by the wayside（放っておく、見捨てる）


[16:31]
"But we don't look at what is best for our kid, and we ultimately don't look at what's best for our significant other. So for me personally, and I know people are probably like, 'Whoa! But this kind of was where my mindset was before I was able to.' I think my wife, one day, if I could be honest and transparent and real as what I typically am, she one day came up to me and she was like, 'If this is how it's going to be.' And I think at that time I was working a lot, my son was just born, so she was taking on most of the responsibilities with him. And she was like, 'If this is how it's gonna be, then I don't want this. Because I'm practically a single mom and we're married and we have this kid together and I don't understand.' And I, in the moment, I think I was very like, 'Well, what the heck? I'm working, I'm providing, I'm doing all the thing. I'm here, I'm prepping. I'm doing everything that I am.' That's what you just said that a lot of dads think that's what their role is, right. Just to like provide financially and not leave. Just be there.

[17:32]
"And that kind of woke me up. I'm like, 'Whoa. Okay, first of all, I don't want to lose you.' That was the first step. And then, the second I'm like, 'Okay, what is it that I need to do to like shift this situation? Like, how can I be more present? How can I step down and not, you know, work myself to death where I'm not present with my family?' And that kind of started a lot of different things, but that my son ultimately being born really shifted things for me in terms of me becoming a better version of myself. That was really, sorry to interrupt, but that was really brave of your wife because a lot of women buy into the gender roles of that, 'You know, I'm the one who's got to do all the work with the kids and you know, he's making the money and I shouldn't ask for anything else.' It's not just the men saying, 'This is my role.' It's the moms too buying into that and not asking for more and not saying, 'No, it's important that you're here and that you help with the caretaking and that you're, you know, because so much of the connection comes from the caretaking, especially with infants and toddlers, right?'

[18:33]
"Like who's giving the bath and who's changing the diapers has a lot to do with who's, you know, who's meeting the child's needs are those early connection pieces. But it is easy to just kind of think, 'Oh, well, he's doing what society says he's supposed to do and I shouldn't be demanding and noisy and ask for anything else.' So that was brave of your wife. Yes, she's a very brave woman. I'm glad that she's on my side, or we're together. But yeah, I think she's gotten more outspoken since my son was born. And I think as men, when a woman is outspoken towards us, against us, I guess, it's hard to take that. It's hard to accept that, it's hard to hear what they're truly trying to say. And I really just kind of had to have that soul searching moment of what is it that she's trying to say, and how can I shift and change it and make it better, right? What actions can I take to make this situation better?

[19:34]
"And I think for me, I probably would have looked at that situation, 'Oh, I got it good. Like my wife takes good care of my kid. You know, I'm doing all right for our family financially. Like I'm, we're in a good space.' And I think for me, for over the last several years it's just been in a space of like, 'How can I be a better version of myself? And how can I, that better version of myself continue to impact my family, whether it's my son whether it's my wife,' and that really kind of got the ball rolling.

"And so for the moms out there who are like 'Man, I could never.' I think what has really helped us. And I think it started even more in 2020, because those things were kind of there for us since my son has been born, but I think 2020 really hit a road for us in our relationship. And so I think what ultimately happened for us is we stopped doing marriage based off of society, based off of what religion has told us. And we just said, 'How will this marriage work for us? Right? Like one of the things I can think of is, my wife always felt the way about going out with her friends and hanging out and doing different things like that.

"[20:35]
"And so we were like, 'She wants to do that. I'm like, all right, cool. I'll, you know, make sure that I'm available to take care of Ky and do all these different things.' And so now we hit a stride where she gets to do those things, she gets to hang out, she gets to be her individual self, not so much wrapped up into what our relationship is. And so I think if I can help anybody out there, I want you to maybe write down, 'What would your ideal marriage look like?' Don't think of societal views, don't think of the religious aspects of it. Just think about what you want for your marriage. Write it down. Have that conversation with your significant other. Challenge them to write down what they want as well, and come together and figure out how y'all can make our marriage work for both of you, and how you can make taking care of the kid work for both of you, cause we're in this together.

"And I think when we look at the old school way, we always feel like, marriage is designed to placate and cater to the husband. And it's like, no. Because if that's the case, you know, the divorce rate is super high. Because you've got a whole bunch of dads, fathers, husbands

[21:36]
"Thinking, 'Oh, this marriage is about me.' No, it's about y'all together. So how can we work together? Yeah. And you know, going back to what you said about the research about dads, I've read that dads, the research shows that fathering, poor or good fathering, actually has a bigger impact on children than poor or good mothering. Did I explain that well? Do you know what I mean? Like, the impact of dads is greater on children, whether it's good or bad, which I thought was super interesting. Like, so if people haven't taken what you said to heart about like having a happy marriage, like think about that you wanna have that impact on your kids.

"Yeah, and just, even with you bringing it up, I think about my mom and dad. So my mom, I was with her essentially throughout my entire childhood up until fourth grade. And so I was close with her in that moment. But my dad was barely there. And the moment I finally met him officially, I think around 11, and just kept in contact throughout. He wasn't a great dad to me, but he was something, and it still impacted me in a way. I told somebody the other day, I'm like, 'Man, my dad has barely been in my life. And he tells me he's proud of me like, every now and then, and it still hits a certain way. Yeah, yeah. It is crazy.' And my mom says it all the time, and I get tired of hearing it from her, so just to give you an example.

[23:40]
"Oh, anecdotally that it's true. I mean, based off of my life, yeah. So what I find in my work is that a big reason why dads don't want to buy into this kind of parenting is fear-based. Is that what you find in your work, like, that they think that they have to be a certain way for their kids to turn out well or be successful? Yeah, fear-based in so many aspects. That part of it, based off of how we were raised typically, if we were hit or whatever the typical message is, 'I turned out fine.' All those ways that you look at social media, every time there's some type of video where a kid is wilding out or doing something crazy, there's always comments that say, 'This is because we got rid of whooping and people want a gentle parent' and they want to blame all these different things and the reality is what I found is there was a study that they did in 2012.

"So, 10 years ago where about 70%, a little over, parents said that they would hit their child if needed. Seventy percent of those people now have 10-year-olds, you know what I mean, if they depend on the age. And so, the old school way is still alive and well and I think that fear of, like, it doesn't look like what it used to and I don't want my kid to turn out, I don't want my kid to be this or that. It's like I have chosen, probably the best thing I've done for myself as a parent is I've chosen not to operate in fear. I don't want to have this fear of potentially, you know, all these different things that we fear. I know in the Black community, we fear our child potentially getting shot, or like, there's so many different things that we fear, and it's like, I can either operate in that

[24:40]
"And work my life around that stress and that anxiety, or I can hope for and wish for the best and operate in that, in my home."

★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★

  • The speaker talks about personal growth in understanding his role as a partner and parent. Initially, he saw his role as the provider, thinking that was enough. This mindset changed when his wife voiced her concern about feeling like a single mom though they are married.
  • パートナーとして、また親としての役割を理解する上での個人的な成長について話しています。最初は、彼が提供者の役割を果たしていればそれで十分だと思っていました。この考え方は、妻が結婚しているのにシングルマザーのように感じるという懸念を声に出したときに変わりました。
  • Acknowledging this issue, the speaker began focusing on being more present, spending quality time with his family, and being a better version of himself.
  • この問題を認識した上で、スピーカーは家族との質の高い時間を過ごし、自分自身のより良いバージョンであることに焦点を当てるようになりました。
  • The speaker and his wife decided to redefine their marriage, focusing on what works for them rather than following societal or religious expectations. They also emphasize the importance of sharing child care and supporting each other's individuality.
  • スピーカーの妻との間で、社会的または宗教的な期待に従うのではなく、彼らにとって何が機能するかに焦点を当てて、結婚の定義を再度確認することを決定しました。また、子育ての共有とお互いの個性を支えることの重要性を強調しています。
  • The speaker discusses how societal misconceptions about gender roles can be damaging, and how it's important for fathers to be actively involved in their children's lives. Research indicates that the quality of fathering has a greater impact on a child's development than mothering.
  • スピーカーは、ジェンダーロールに関する社会的な誤解がどのようにダメージを与える可能性があるか、また、父親が子供の生活に積極的に関与することはいかに重要であるかを説明しています。調査によれば、父親の質が母親よりも子供の発達に大きな影響を与えるとされています。
  • Lastly, the speaker highlights the importance of breaking away from fear-based approaches to parenting. Rather than stressing about potential negative outcomes, parents should focus on creating a positive, nurturing environment at home.
  • 最後に、スピーカーは、恐怖に基づく親となるアプローチから離れることの重要性を強調しています。潜在的な否定的な結果についてストレスを感じるのではなく、親は家庭で育つことに重点を置くべきです。

★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】

  • Ky（キー）

【英単語】

  • mindset（心構え）
  • responsibilities（責任）
  • provide（提供する）
  • finances（資金）
  • strive（努力する）
  • impact（影響）
  • societal（社会的な）
  • outspoken（口数の多い）
  • divorce（離婚）
  • gender roles（性別役割）
  • brave（勇敢な）
  • infants（乳児）
  • toddlers（幼児）
  • connection（繋がり）
  • version（バージョン）

【英語フレーズ】

  • significant other（パートナー）
  • take on responsibilities（責任を引き受ける）
  • providing financially（経済的なサポートを提供する）
  • better version of oneself（自身のより良いバージョン）
  • early connection pieces（初期のつながりの要素）
  • be more present（より存在感を示す）
  • social views（社会的視点）
  • continue to impact（続けて影響を与える）
  • buying into（〜を鵜呑みにする）
  • work myself to death（働き過ぎる）
  • hope for the best（最善を願う）
  • societal views（社会的視点）
  • work for both of you（二人のために働く）
  • do all the work（全ての仕事をする）
  • step down（一歩退く）
  • make our marriage work（我々の結婚を上手く進める）
  • religious aspects（宗教的な見地）
  • practical mothering（実践的な母親の役割）


"And I always challenged parents, like, 'if you are so dead-set on the world being crazy and chaotic in all these different places, why in the world would you not have a home that's a safe space?' Oh, yeah. Why would you have a home that is just as crazy, just as chaotic, just so you can prepare your child for, what? That doesn't make any sense to me.

And so when I think of dads and that fear aspect, there's fear of disrespect, fear of so many different things. And ultimately, what the reality is, is how can we get to a space where we're making that connection? And whatever that looks like for the dad. And once you can kind of get into that space, then let that kind of be your guide as you discipline, which in my mind means to teach, not to punish. And getting to that space where, all right, this looks a little different, this [25:41] sounds a little different. I think there's also that fear of like doing something new that they've never done before as well.

Yeah, well and they trust that it's going to work... Yep... Yeah... And the moment that it doesn't, I was going to do a post about this or like, man, you're practicing this gentle parenting, conscious parenting ideals and you're working hard and you're trying. And then the moment that you feel like, oh, he's talking back or he's just being disrespectful or whatever it is. You're like, oh, that doesn't work. You're a sports guy and I always tell parents it's not the playoffs.

That moment that your kid is rude talking back to you, it's not like you've lost. It's a long game. It's bigger than that one moment. Kids are messy. They have big feelings. They're immature, their brains aren't developed yet. I was thinking of what you said about home being a safe space, and the research actually shows that the more autonomy a kid has at home, the better they are with authority out [26:44] in the world. It's not like you have to crush them in the home so that they follow authority in the world, and that's actually the opposite.

Yeah. When I work with parents, most of them have that old school way or the old school way of at least how they were raised, and maybe at one point did it with their kids. The challenge always is a mindset shift of, okay, I was thinking of a certain way, and I have to completely shift my mind towards a different way. And a lot of it is on us as the parent to look at our kid differently.

See a good friend Kirsten posted today like our teen is not a problem. They are a person that needs to be loved ultimately. And I think how can we start to shift those subtle messages in our head about who kids are and shift the message to who kids really should be in our minds and in our hearts?

And so if there's dads out there who have been listening up to this point who are still on the fence, I think there's a way that you could be a disciplinarian, a leader of your [27:44] household without intimidation, without having that ego drive the situation. For me, I choose to operate like a servant leader. How can I be of service to my significant other, how can I be of service to my child and lead them in that way? The different behaviors and the different ways of being that I ultimately want them to be. That is how I've chosen to lead my family and it doesn't make me any less manly. It doesn't make me weak. Doesn't make me all of those things that they tend to put on us when we're operating in that way.

What's so amazing is I have such a great community of dads that I follow or connect with who get it, who understand that hey, it's frustrating. It's tough at times, but my toughness or whatever it might be is not tied to how loud I can get, how much I can yell or how stern I can be. Sometimes it's how soft and gentle can you be and how patient can you be with the situation. [28:46] For me, being able to challenge myself in that way, there's nothing nobody can tell me on social media. You want to call me soft because I don't hit my kid. Hey, good luck. That says more about you than it does me.

Totally, your sweatshirt says resilience, like you and I are seeing each other on video and it's not about toughness, is it? It's about resilience. Yeah, bouncing back having those moments of like, whoa, I just posted recently about like that freeze moment. Like sometimes because I've committed to this way of parenting now, I freeze up. I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do. I know I don't wanna yell, I know I don't wanna hit. Do I yell sometimes? Yeah, but I have to go back and apologize and make it right and rectify the situation, repair. And so for me, what it ultimately comes down to is being human. I think as dads, as men in general, we've gotten this idea, we can't feel our emotions, we can't feel this, we can't feel that. We gotta be tough, we can't cry, we can't do this.

And it's like, oh, so you can't be human? You can't do naturally occurring things [29:48] that we have suppressed so many years in our lives. And I think the more human that I've become, the more I think my wife has been able to relate to me. The more she's been able to speak to me and tell me certain things because I've been able to slowly but surely shift these different messages in my head that tells me all these things that ultimately had me missing the mark in the beginning. But now I'm in a space where I'm like, hey, we're hitting a stride and is it perfect? Absolutely not, but we're in a good space where we just hit a strive with my son.

We had a rough patch over the last week or so. I had a... it got a little rough the other day. He threw his markers down on purpose and I grabbed him, took him to the room and got a little loud. It was a lot. It was a lot going on and realized in that moment the next day we had a conversation around it. I apologized for my actions. And over the last couple of days, we've been kind of seeing a shift in him in terms of just him finally getting the message that we've been trying to get him to get. [30:49]

And I think what's so frustrating about this parenting style, and I think that's why a lot of parents have an issue, especially dads. You want it right now. I want you to listen right now, I want you to do what I told you right now. I want you to... Because that's how we were raised. And the reality is, they're kids. Just like you don't wanna do stuff right now, they don't. And we're not gonna use the fact, thinking of adultism, right? That, because we're adults, we have all these rights and responsibilities and all these things over our child," and the reality is, no, they're human, just like you're human.

And so my coach reminded me recently, he's like, you know, you said your kid doesn't listen to you in that moment. It's like, how often do you ask your kid stuff and you don't do it right away? And I was like, 'oh, good point. Yeah. Yeah,' like you're in the middle of something. Even if you're in the middle of something and your wife says, like, 'DJ, can you do this for me?' She's not going to expect that you drop everything that you're doing right that second and then come and do what she wants, right? Yeah. Yeah, because we're dictators, and we're adults, and kids should listen to adults. [31:49]

And it's like, no, kids should follow, and see, and model after adults. Be and do the things that we keep trying to encourage our kids to be. It's so funny, that is so true when I look at my son, he models and repeats a lot of the things that we say and do. Sometimes I say, shoot, or sometimes I say certain things, and he'll be like, 'Dad, you said shoot, or you said this.' 'Shoot, repeat some of the stuff that we say.' And I'm like, man, he reminds me every day how important it is to model and be exactly what we're trying to get him to be.

And one of those aspects is the fact that we're not perfect. The one thing I hate about the old school way is that they wanted and expected so much out of us, but they didn't want and expect that same amount of energy from themselves. And so as a child I'm looking at you make mistakes and do dumb, I wanted to say S-H-I-T, but do dumb stuff, and all these things. And you expecting all these things for me, [32:52] essentially, perfection? Yeah.

And I'm like no, no, no. What I want to model is that I'm human and I make mistakes, baby, and I'm going to mess up all the time, but I want to let you know that I'ma apologize for it, I'ma try to make it right, and we're going to move forward. We don't want to make mistakes, a huge, crazy ordeal."

★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★

  • The speaker discusses the importance of creating a safe and stable home environment, contrasting it with the chaos of the outside world.
  • They then reflect on the fears of parenthood, especially for fathers, when it comes to discipline and connection with their children.
  • The speaker talks about the idea of conscious parenting, and how it's not a failure when the child talks back or behaves unexpectedly, but rather part of a long process in parenthood.
  • They emphasize the need for parents to perceive their children as individuals to be loved and not problems to be resolved.
  • Lastly, they share their personal experience, stressing the importance of patience, owning up to mistakes, and showing vulnerability as parents.
  • 話し手は、外の世界の混乱と対照を成す安全で安定した家庭環境を作る重要性について語っています。
  • その後、親としての恐怖、特に父親としての子どもへの規律と繋がりについて反省します。
  • 話し手は意識的な育児の考え方について語り、子どもが反発したり予期せぬ行動を取ったりするときにそれが失敗ではなく、親としての長い過程の一部であることを指摘します。
  • 親が自分の子どもを愛すべき個体として見る必要性を強調しています、解決すべき問題としてではありません。
  • 最後に、彼らは自身の経験を共有し、誤りを認め、脆弱性を見せること、そして親としての忍耐がどれも重要であることを強調します。

★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】

  • Kirsten（キルステン）

【英単語】

  • challenged（挑戦した）
  • dead-set（決定的な）
  • chaotic（混沌とした）
  • disrespect（無視）
  • reality（現実）
  • disciplinarian（躾け主）
  • ego（自我）
  • resilience（弾力性）
  • sweatshirt（スウェットシャツ）
  • subtle（微妙な）
  • intimidation（威嚇）
  • significant（重要な）
  • stern（厳格な）
  • conscious（意識的な）

【英語フレーズ】

  • make any sense（理にかなっている）
  • talking back（反論する）
  • working hard（一生懸命働いている）
  • being disrespectful（無礼な行為をする）
  • bigger than（〜以上）
  • certain way（ある特定の方法）
  • safe space（安全な場所）
  • long game（長期的な戦略）
  • make mistakes（失敗する）

"And sometimes that's hard because it feels like we're being like weak. Like, you know, you ask your kids, you pick something up and they won't. You're like, 'OK, you know, I'll pick it up. Like I see you're having a hard time today.' But we want them to be helpful and we want them to be gracious and we want them to be flexible. Right? So like we have to do that sometimes too, even if it doesn't look like that. Especially because it doesn't look like that old school way of like, you just do what you're told because I'm the adult and you're the kid.

[33:53] I was thinking the other day, as you were saying that Sarah, that I don't know about you, but I get super uneasy or I just have a moment. I probably shouldn't have it. It's something in me, but if I run into a kid or a teen as overly respectful and overly compliant, it just gives me the heebie-jeebies. I don't know why, but there's a kid the other day and he's like, 'Thank you so much, sir,' and I was like, 'Whoa, what? First of all, don't call me sir. I'm just DJ. Chill out. What's happening here?' And I'm like, 'Dang, have I really gone to a point where like that respect …' I guess questions I ask myself is, 'What did it take for that kid to get to that place? What type of coercion, what type of oppressive, like do this or else style of parenting did it take to get a kid to that?' And for me, I'm like, 'Okay, that's all fine and dandy and cute or whatever. But I think what would be better than that is a kid arriving to those

[34:53] things by themselves. And they do. My kids are 15, 18 and 21. And I can 100% guarantee you that they do. And it doesn't even take that long. You know when my kids were starting to go out in the world on their own, I have neighbors coming up to me and saying like, 'Your son insisted on carrying my groceries for me.' Or like, 'You know, your daughter did this.' And not that they're perfect, but they are like so respectful and helpful. And because that's what was modeled for them. Yeah, I love that. And there's so many examples I think out there for people who are on the fence and just trying to figure it out. If you were raised a certain way, and if you were raised how I've been mentioning how I was raised throughout this podcast today, there's some trauma that's there. There's some different things that you might have to come to grips with before you can fully dive into a parenting style that sees your child as the human that they are. Because as you're doing that for your child, your inner child is probably like,

[35:54] 'Well, what the hell? I didn't get this. I'm upset. No, be tough on them. Do this, right?' Because our inner child is mad they didn't get it. So sometimes you might have to tell your inner child like, 'Hey, I'm sorry that you didn't get this as a child, but I want to love on you by loving on my kid in the way that maybe you should have been loved.' I love that so much. That's what, um, Mercedes Smudio who wrote Shame Proof Parenting was on my podcast a couple of months ago. And she talked about that idea, exactly like how triggering it can be to be meeting your child's needs when your needs weren't met. And I love that you just, like, really gave that helpful instruction, just love on your own inner child when that happens. Absolutely. Because it can bring up a lot of that sadness. Like, 'What about me? Like, why didn't anyone do this for me?' And it can make it really hard. And I think there's so many parents out there who are like, 'Why should I do it for them? Because it wasn't done for me.' And they're not seeing it in that way, but their actions are showing it, and they're not realizing or having the awareness enough

[36:54] that this is where it's coming from. And then there also can be, like, the level of judgment from our own parents. I mean, maybe, not actually not mine. I didn't mean to, they listen to the podcast so I didn't want them to think I was talking about them because they're not judgmental of me. But exactly, but some people's parents who when you take a different way of raising your kids then they feel really judged. And then, you feel like guilty, like, 'Oh, my parents aren't gonna approve of me doing something different,' so it's so complicated. Yeah. I have a message for it. Well, I think it's so much easier for me say this, because my parents kind of were not in my life for a good portion of it. So I can be like, 'Well, it doesn't matter what they think.' But ultimately that is the truth. Like it's your family. You're choosing to raise them in a way, and maybe you need to have a conversation with their parents. They're like, 'Look, I know you did the best you could with what you knew and what you had, but I am choosing to parent in a different way, and then that's not an indictment on you. Like I said, you did your best. You did, you know, you did what you could, but I can do more.

[37:55] I know more. I have more information. And so now I'm willing to do that for my child and I just want you to respect that.' Yeah, and the trauma stops here. Yep. Yeah, I love that. Do you have anything that you think would be helpful for either the moms who are listening, whose male partners are not on board or for the dads that are listening who are just maybe, well they're probably, honestly, if they're listening to this podcast they're probably convinced. So let's keep it for the moms whose partners are not on board? Any tips or helpful things that you think that they need to hear? I was thinking about this on a way back from the gym today and I think, I don't know what it's saying is, but I think this is what's gonna help. So you really kind of have to scale back on your expectations of your husband or a significant other. And what I mean by that is, kind of the grace and empathy and patience that you give towards your child, you kind of have to give that to the dad.

[38:56] And what that would look like is kinda having that conversation. I always want to encourage moms because I really get frustrated when I hear like moms are all-in on the gentle parenting, conscious parenting thing then the dad is not on board whatsoever. And I'm like, 'Get rid of them, get divorced.' Like, I just want, that's the kind of the, but I remember where I used to be and I'm like, 'Okay, all right, so patience.' And I think having a conversation, I think I always challenge students when they can't fully formulate what they wanna say in person write it in a letter. So in a letter say, 'You know what? I absolutely appreciate all that you do for our family. And I just wanna let you know that there's a couple of things that I want to work towards. My wife always calls it positive, negative, positive. Alright put some positives in there. I think that's also called a poop sandwich, right?'

[39:56] 'Yeah. This is so funny. One day my wife was like, she used it on me. And I was like, 'Wait, are you PNP and me? Are you trying to positive negative positive me?' Being a therapist and me a counselor we're constantly like doing stuff towards each other but it's so like find a way to write a letter to fully express kind of different things that you need and different things that you want from your significant other. And being able to say you know what look I know you haven't been you know with this new parenting style but this is something I truly want for our kid. Like this like the trauma the different things that I dealt with like I just don't want to pass that down to my kid and I would love your support in it. So, you know what, let's try this for a month. One month all in, try it out, let's see how it goes. Obviously, there's going to be trial and errors. Let's see what happens after a month and then we can come together and have a conversation and revisit and re-evaluate how we can move forward. And, you know, I'll be here, like I said, with that patience that empathy that we give our kids we're going to have to give to the dads because they're new to this and figuring out there's so many things happening in their brain and their messaging and that is keeping them from fully buying in.

[40:57] So writing that letter, if you have issues like communicating effectively what you want to say to them, that way you can kind of have it. And even if you write the letter, you can still express it through the letter, right? And then, you know, challenging them to try it for a month. Like try it out, see how it goes. But I least want us to commit to not causing harm to our kid as much as possible. I love that so much. And that's exactly what I teach parents too, is find that, you know, If you're a parent who's dedicated to this approach, you are using empathy and connection and patience and we have to give that to our partners also."

★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★

  • The dialogue discusses the challenge between maintaining authority as parents while fostering the values of helpfulness, graciousness, and flexibility in children. It criticizes the "old school" method of maintaining strict authority and obedience.
  • 会話は、親としての権威を維持しながら、子供に有益さ、寛大さ、柔軟性を育む間の課題について議論しています。これは、厳格な権威と服従を維持する「古風」な方法を批判しています。
  • There is a distress associated with the overly respectful behavior of children, as it is perceived to be a product of oppressive parenting techniques. The dialogue endorses children developing respect and helpful attitudes inherently rather than through coerced manners.
  • 子供たちの過度に尊敬的な行動に関連する distress があり、 それは抑圧的な育児技術の産物と認識されています。 会話は、強制的な方法ではなく、子供たちが敬意と助ける姿勢を内在的に発展させることを支持します。
  • The dialogue suggests that it can be triggering for parents to meet their child's needs when their own needs were not met, leading to neglect or tough parenting. It advises parents to love their inner child while taking care of their offspring.
  • 自分自身のニーズが満たされていなかったときに子供のニーズを満たすと、親にとってはトリガになり、ネグレクトやタフな育児につながる可能性があると会話では示唆されています。親に対しては、子供の世話をする一方で、内なる子供を愛するよう勧めています。
  • The dialogue discusses the discomfort some may feel when adopting different parenting methods, due to potential judgement from their own parents. They advise that parents should respect their chosen family raising method, despite potential judgement from others.
  • 親からの可能性のある判断によって、異なる育児法を採用する際に一部の人々が感じる不快感について、会話が議論しています。彼らは、他の人からの判断があっても、親は選択した家族育成方法を尊重すべきであると助言します。
  • The dialogue recommends delivering the request for support through a letter, encouraging empathy towards the father and patience in adapting to the new style of parenting. It advises trying this for a month and revaluating, in the hopes of minimizing harm to their child.
  • 会話は、父親に対する共感を勧め、新たな育児スタイルに適応するための忍耐心を促すため、手紙を通じて支援の依頼を提出することを推奨しています。彼らは、子供への害を最小限に抑えるために、これを1ヶ月間試して再評価することを助言します。

★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】

【英単語】

  • weak（弱い）
  • gracious（親切な）
  • flexible（柔軟な）
  • uneasy（不安な）
  • compliant（従順な）
  • heebie-jeebies（極度の恐怖）
  • coercion（強制）
  • oppressive（抑圧的な）
  • trauma（トラウマ）
  • awareness（意識）
  • judgment（判断）
  • complicated（複雑な）
  • indictment（告発）
  • expectations（期待）
  • empathy（共感）
  • therapist（セラピスト）
  • counselor（カウンセラー）

【英語フレーズ】

  • being like weak（弱いように見える）
  • it doesn't look like that（それはそう見えない）
  • have a hard time（大変な時間を過ごす）
  • I get super uneasy（私はとても不安になる）
  • Thank you so much, sir（とてもありがとうございます、おじさん）
  • you're doing that for your child（あなたがあなたの子供のためにそれをしている）
  • coercion, what type of oppressive（強制、どのタイプの抑圧的）
  • it can bring up a lot of that sadness（それはたくさんのその悲しみを引き出すことができます）
  • on board or for the dads（賛成か、それともお父さんのために）
  • have to give that to the dads（それをお父さんにあげなければなりません）
  • I'm sorry that you didn't get this as a child（あなたが子供の頃にこれを得られなかったことを申し訳ない）
  • can't fully formulate what they wanna say in person（彼らが人前で言いたいことを完全に形成することができない）


"And nobody ever got anyone on board by shaming them or being hard on them. Yeah, people usually try that first, right? Try it first, doesn't work. And the next question I invariably get from the parent who is on board is, 'Well, why should I have to do that, they're grown up too.' And it's like, 'You know what? If they had learned these things when they were children or even had done the personal growth you wouldn't have to.'

And it's not fair, it's not fair that you have to do this and you have to work so hard. And it's so worth it to like find that compassion." [41:59] "and empathy for your partner because the reason why they're acting like that and having their adult tantrums is because they're suffering, right? Like they're coming from this place of fear and pain and self-doubt. And same thing as when our kids are having a hard time. They're not giving us a hard time, they're having a hard time.

And I know, I so empathize with mothers sometimes, like, why do I have to? I gotta deal with the kid, I got to do this, I got to cater to this guy. And I was just like, yes. But I think if you ultimately want that harmony, a lot of times it's gonna take us to take those steps and then hopefully with you taking those steps, they ultimately start to take some steps. And then you ultimately get to that place that you want to get to. But it does take work. It is a challenge.

And you know what? We're full circle because we started talking about connection, or we started talking about discipline and that connection is really the heart of it. And discipline means teaching. And so like, if we want to teach our partners, we start with connection.

And so like working on your relationship too," [43:00] "I think is key. If your partner's not on board. Like, what can you do to make your relationships stronger? So you have more influence as a side benefit, right? We're not trying to be manipulative about it. But we do have more influence when people, when we feel closer to people. So. Yeah, and I think what happened for us is when we had our son, we shifted away from prioritizing that relationship.

And I think so many parents out there, I think, can relate in how we just focus so much on our kid. We focus so much on our job. And we leave each other last. And we have now shifted that, and like, yes, we focus on our kid. And it's his birthday week, so it's been all focused on him. But we always make it a point to, like, 'Hey, we haven't went on a date in a while,' or 'we haven't, there's some shows that we've been watching recently and so now we make every night. We put our son in the bed now lately and we watch a Netflix show together.'

'What are you watching?'

'Stranger things now.'

'Alright. Alright. I haven't watched that. We're watching Mayor of East Town, which is really good.'

'Interesting.'" [44:00] "Yeah. I like it. So yeah, a big perfect connection. And what I've found when my wife connects with me and appreciates me and gives me props for certain things that I do, I'm more apt to do more.

100 percent, 100 percent. We're all like that. Okay, I have two last questions for you: one is where can people find out more about you and follow you?

Yeah, so I'm at DJ Inspires Parenting. You can connect with me on there. I also have my main page, DJ Inspires All, for the dads who are interested in the sports aspect of my life. I'm in to fitness as well. And then DJinspires.com as well. You can connect with me on there. If you're in a position to bring me to your school and speak to your students potentially, feel free to reach out to me there.

Awesome. We'll put all of that in the show notes as well. And my final question is one that I ask all of my guests, which is if you could go back in time and give advice to your younger father self, what would that advice be?" [45:01]

"I would say that being present is not enough. Being there is not enough. You got to go, say above and beyond, but you got to do more than just that, right? You know, finding ways to be a better dad and show up in ways that your significant other spouse needs, mother of your child needs. I would definitely tell them being present was not enough. That's beautiful. Thanks DJ.

Thank you. Thanks for listening to this week's episode. I hope you found this conversation insightful and exactly what you needed in this moment. Be sure to subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast platform and leave us a rating and review on Apple podcasts.

Remember that I'm rooting for you. I see you out there showing up for your kids and doing the best you can. Sending hugs over the airwaves today. Hang in there, you've got this."

★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★

  • The dialogue discusses the importance of understanding and compassion in relationships, stating that you can't force someone to grow by being hard on them, but rather by empathizing with their struggles and pains.
  • The speakers emphasize the importance of connection in relationships and the need to teach partners through connection, rather than manipulation.
  • It's mentioned that many parents tend to focus more on their children or jobs, neglecting their relationships which needs to be balanced for a healthier life.
  • The conversation highlights the effect of appreciation on motivation and willingness to do more in a relationship.
  • It concludes with the speaker sharing about their platforms where listeners can connect with them, and underscores the concept of being actively present and proactive in fulfilling the needs of your family as fundamental for being an effective parent.
  • 対話は、誰かを強制的に成長させるのではなく、彼らの苦労と痛みに共感することで、関係性における理解と思いやりの重要性を語っています。
  • スピーカーは、関係性における接続の重要性と、操作ではなく接続を通じてパートナーを教える必要性を強調しています。
  • 多くの親は、子供や仕事により集中し、健康な生活を送るためにはバランスを保つ必要のある関係を軽視する傾向があると言及しています。
  • 会話は、感謝の影響をモチベーションとより多くを望んで行う意欲に焦点を当てています。
  • それは、リスナーが彼らと接続できるプラットフォームについてスピーカーが共有し、家族のニーズを積極的に満たすことで親としての役割を果たすことの重要性を強調して終了します。

★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】

  • DJ Inspires Parenting（DJインスパイアズ・ペアレンティング）
  • DJ Inspires All（DJインスパイアズ・オール）
  • DJinspires.com（DJインスパイアズ・ドットコム）
  • Netflix（ネットフリックス）
  • 'Stranger things'（ストレンジャーシングス）
  • 'Mayor of East Town'（メイヤーオブ・イーストタウン）

【英単語】

  • empathy（共感）
  • compassion（思いやり）
  • discipline（規律）
  • influence（影響力）
  • connection（つながり）
  • prioritizing（優先する）
  • manipulative（操作的な）
  • appreciates（感謝する）

【英語フレーズ】

  • got anyone on board（誰かを納得させる）
  • grown up（成長した）
  • self-doubt（自己疑念）
  • take work（努力が必要）
  • get to that place（その状態に到達する）
  • make your relationships stronger（あなたの関係を強くする）
  • feel closer to people（人々に近づく感じ）
  • follow you（あなたに従う）
  • above and beyond（以上と超えて）
  • You've got this（あなたにはそれがある）