Needs and Boundaries for Parents and Children with Sonali Vongchusiri

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↑こちらのポッドキャストを、先日書いた↓こちらの文字起こしアプリで起こしてみた。
【英語上級者向け】英語ポッドキャストを文字起こし＆要約＆単語抽出【ChatGPTさまさま】 - さんだーさんだ！（ブログ版）

長いので、主な注意点を最初に🙏（GPT-4 APIの使用でだいぶよくなったと思いますが…）

[mm:ss]というタイムスタンプは、入っているところと入っていないところがあるかも。
「-Japan（日本）」「-Barak Obama（バラク・オバマ）」があるかも。単語帳作成のためのプロンプト中に例として挙げたものが紛れ込んでいる可能性があります。
proofreadについてなど、ChatGPTへのプロンプトを本文と誤認している場合もあるかも。
その他にも日本語訳が抜けているなど不完全な部分は多々あるかと思いますが、基本的にはChatGPTの限界だと思ってご了承ください。。
誤訳や不完全な文字起こしがあったとしても、なんの責任も負えませんので、ご自身で確かめながらご利用ください。

"Sarah Rosensweig, Welcome to the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Rosensweig, mom of three young people, Peaceful Parenting Coach, and your cheerleader and guide on all things parenting. Each week, we'll cover the tools, strategies, and support you need to end the yelling and power struggles, and encourage your kids to listen and cooperate so that you can enjoy your family time. I'm happy to say we have a great relationship with our three kids. The teen years have been easy and joyful, not because we're special unicorns but because my kids were raised with Peaceful Parenting. I've also helped so many parents just like you stop struggling and enjoy their kids again. I'm excited to be here with you today and bring you the insight and information you need to make your parenting journey a little more peaceful. Let's dive in to this week's conversation.
Hey there! Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting podcast. Today's episode is a guest expert interview with my friend, Sonali Vanchusari. She is a wonderful human being and a wonderful fellow parenting coach. Today we're going to be talking all about needs and boundaries.
[1:03] Both needs of the parent and the child and boundaries for parents and children. And I think this is a really interesting conversation because as peaceful parenting, or responsive parenting, or you know, conscious parenting, whatever you want to call it, has gotten more popular, I think there have been some misconceptions about it. And I think that old-school parenting was always prioritizing the needs of the parent, right? The needs and preferences of the parents or the adults were above the needs and preferences of the children.
And some people have taken peaceful parenting to mean that the needs and preferences of the child are now above the needs and preferences of the parents. I've heard a lot of complaints that this kind of parenting is exhausting and makes parents get burnt out, and yes, it is a lot of hard work to do peaceful parenting. However, it does not mean that the needs and preferences of the child are always above the needs and preferences of the adults. And of course, sometimes, you know, if you have a new baby, you're probably not going to get as much sleep
[2:05] as you want to. However, most of the time, we really think about how can we work together as a team so that we try to meet everyone's needs? And that's what Sonali and I talked about a lot today and really about understanding this from a real heart level and understanding that children's intentions. So, I love this conversation. Be sure to keep listening. We talk about a game that Sonali invented called the "no game," which I just love so much. And I think that's something that you're going to take away from this conversation and really, you know, really, really love trying that out with your kids.
If you are on my newsletter list, my parenting gold newsletter list, I send out helpful emails every Saturday. You will hear about Sonali's, her Raising a Strong Willed Child Summit that's coming up in the next, I think in the next few weeks. I don't know the exact date, but make sure that you, if you like what you heard from Sonali and I'm going to be a guest on that summit as well.
[3:05] Make sure you are on my newsletter list. You can go to sararosensuite.com slash newsletter to sign up for this free and valuable piece of content. And I know people write to me that they can't wait to open their email on Saturday morning and see what we're writing about this week. So if you want to make sure you hear about Sonali's next project that I'm involved in and just get something that's inspirational and educational every week, go to sarahrosensweet.com slash newsletter, you can sign up for free.
And also, if you love this podcast, and I know so many of you do because you tell me about it, share it with a friend. I would love to have more people know about this work that we're doing. So, please share this with a friend who you think might like it, And of course, we always appreciate any five-star reviews that you can leave us on Apple or Spotify and any reviews that you can leave us on Apple Podcast. I'm here because of you and I really appreciate all of the you know, sharing and love that you can share our way.
[4:05] Okay, let's meet Sanali. We have a real treat today. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. We have my good friend, Sanali Vankchusari. Did I say that right? You did, Sarah. Yay. We have my good friend Sonali here with us today. And I am so excited to have her on. And I just warned her that we can't go on and on like we do in real life, because Sonali and I tend to have very long conversations. So I'm just so excited to introduce her to you all. And you may know her already. She's the host of the Raising Your Strong Will Child summit, which is how I met her.
And you may know her from that or from some other stuff, But Sohnali, please introduce yourself to our listeners. Of course, Sarah. Thank you so much for having me here. I'm so excited to record this with you. And I'm so excited to be here with your followers. So what I'd like to say is that I was that kid, and now I have three of those kids,
[5:06] meaning that when I was a kid, that both me and my kids are sensitive, we're highly sensitive. And how I expressed my sensitivity as a child and an adult was that I was a people pleaser and I shut down and I played small and I didn't use my voice. And then I have these kids and I'm using my hands as I'm talking and they were the type of kids that they expressed their sensitivity, they know who they are in the world, they know what they want, they're not afraid to use their voice and they're clear about that. So at the beginning of our relationship, it was like this, and I'm taking my hands and I'm having them clash against each other, like two tokens against each other. And it took us to this point where I had tried all the things in traditional parenting approaches. I'd read the books, I'd, done podcasts, I'd done courses. And it took a moment where I realized that for us to actually work through this, it was me.
I was trying really hard to get them to do the people pleasing thing that I was doing, because that's what I did. So I was trying to get them to put other people's needs over theirs and that didn't feel good.
[6:09] Feel good. And I was, and I was in my parenting putting their needs over mine. And so I was ending up feeling squashed and small. And then they were, they were doing the opposite. They were telling me exactly what they wanted. And I felt like I needed to do all those things. So what it ended up doing when things shifted for me in my home was when I brought their needs and my needs together. And so now I'm taking my hands and putting them together, like in collaboration, like looking forward together. And so when we reached this this is when things started to shift for us.
And so where we could enter that space instead of conflict, stepping into collaboration. Instead of feeling like it needed to be either what they wanted or what I wanted, that we could have situations where all of our needs were met. So what I'd like to say is that, like you mentioned the Strong Willed Child Summit, is that I support highly sensitive parents of strong-willed kids. And what I really mean when I'm saying that, Sarah, is highly sensitive, strong-willed parents of highly sensitive strong-willed kids, but sometimes that's hard for us to see.
[7:11] And what I really mean by that is parents who may feel different who have kids who feel different. And this goes back to when we feel that sense of difference, which is something that I felt as a kid and as an adult, that we all have the same core energetic needs. And I address those in a process that I call the Schwab process. And some of us just simply have some non-traditional ways of getting those needs met. And so the typical things might not necessarily work for us. I love that.
You gave a great introduction to what we're going to be talking about today in terms of needs and boundaries. But I also want to say that you're describing me also. I don't know if you would realize that, because I think sometimes I present differently than who I really am. I'm absolutely highly sensitive and strong-willed, But I think I also grew up with the people-pleasing thing to be more comfortable in the world. Like that's how I sort of made my way in the world."
★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★

Sarah Rosensweig hosts the Peaceful Parenting Podcast, where she shares strategies for peaceful parenting and develops a loving relationship with kids.

サラ・ローゼンスウェイグは、「平和な親子関係のためのポッドキャスト」のホストで、平和な親子関係を築くための戦略を共有し、子供たちとの愛情深い関係を深めています。

In one episode, she has a guest named Sonali Vanchusari to discuss the needs and boundaries of both the parents and children.

あるエピソードでは、彼女はゲストのソナリ・ヴァンチュサリと共に、両親と子供たちのニーズと境界について議論しています。

Peaceful Parenting is not focused on either parents' or children's preferences but about working together to satisfy everyone's needs.

ピースフルペアレンティングは、親の好みや子供の好みに焦点を当てているわけではなく、皆のニーズを満たすために協力しあうことについてです。

Sonali Vanchusari, a fellow parenting coach, shares her experiences of being a sensitive, strong-willed child, and now a parent of three similar children, focusing on meeting the needs of all.

共同で子育てのコーチをしているソナリ・ヴァンチュサリは、敏感で強い意志を持った子供であり、現在は同様の3人の子供の親である、という彼女の経験を共有し、すべての人のニーズを満たすことに焦点を当てています。

She emphasizes moving from conflict to collaboration, ensuring all family members' needs can be met instead of favoring one party's needs.

彼女は、対立から協力へと移行し、一方のニーズを優先するのではなく、家族全員のニーズを満たすことができるよう強調しています。

★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】

Sarah Rosensweig（サラ・ローゼンスワイグ）

Peaceful Parenting Podcast（ピースフル・ペアレンティング・ポッドキャスト）

Sonali Vanchusari（ソナリ・ヴァンチュサリ）

Raising a Strong Willed Child Summit（レイジング・ア・ストロング・ウィルド・チャイルド・サミット）

【英単語】

host（ホスト）

cheerleader（応援者）

guide（ガイド）

strategies（戦略）

encourage（奨励する）

relationship（関係）

unicorns（一角獣）

struggling（苦闘）

insight（洞察力）

boundaries（境界）

misconceptions（誤解）

prioritizing（優先）

preferences（好み）

exhausting（疲れる）

burnt out（バーンアウト）

team（チーム）

intentions（意図）

newsletter（ニュースレター）

educational（教育的な）

inspirational（刺激的な）

【英語フレーズ】

raise with (〜で育てる)

offer support (サポートを提供する)

end the yelling and power struggle（叫びとパワーストラグルを終える）

enjoy your family time（家族との時間を楽しむ）

talking about needs and boundaries（ニーズと境界について話す）

take away from this conversation（この会話から得る）

sign up for free（無料でサインアップ）

meet everyone's needs（全員のニーズを満たす）

over theirs（彼らの上）

feel good（良い気持ちになる）

step into collaboration（協力関係に踏み込む）

present differently（異なる方法で表現する）

"But, I always tell parents: my favorite kids are the sensitive, strong-willed kids, and also that's me too, right? I think we have a lot of overlap in who we are and our kids and the people that we serve. So, this is going to be a really great conversation. Okay, so you mentioned a couple of things. And, okay, so, sorry, I'm gonna back up just a tiny bit.
[8:13]
How do you support parents? Because we don't know, you're a parenting coach, is that what you call yourself? Yes, I'm a parenting coach. You're a parenting coach and you do... Just a tiny bit about, you have a membership and you support parents one-on-one, correct? I do, yes. And what I do, the work that I do, is about looking at instead of finding, like, what do I do in that moment? And finding like a temporary Band-Aid solution.
Like a lot of parents come to me saying, I tried that, and it worked for a week, and then my child was like everything was back to late mornings, or struggling at bedtime.
And so we talk about shifting from that temporary Bandaid solution to looking at what's going on underneath at core needs
[9:13]
and finding long-term resolutions because core needs are being met. Okay, so can you talk a little bit more about the core needs and boundaries, and maybe, I don't know, does an example come to mind that might resonate with some people?
Yes. Okay. All right. So what I say, why don't I start by with an example. So when I talk about needs and our core, I'm talking about our boundaries are related to our core of who we are. So I think of boundaries as being related to, they're not so much like don't go here, go here. It's not about the thing, it's more about the unconditional stance that we're taking about who we are and who our child is. So, it's about being in that space of we are all caring, considerate, respectful, thoughtful, vibrant, confident that we're understood, that we're appreciated. These are core that were approved of. These are our core, these are our boundaries.
So, what I like to do when I'm talking about boundaries and setting, I describe limits as excuses to disconnect. So when we set a limit, sometimes it's saying this
[10:18]
This is good. This is bad. This is right. This is wrong. And it can send the message to a child that, oh because they did that thing, then they're bad. Does that make sense? Yeah, I mean, that's not how I understand or use the word limits but we can have different definitions of it. Yes, exactly, and I use it.
So I think what you think of as limits is what I use as boundaries, which is kind of fun. Well, it's also fun because I hear parents say boundaries and I tend to think of emotional boundaries. Like when I hear boundaries, I tend to think of, like, that is not my responsibility. You know, the boundary between myself and another person is how I think of boundaries, like the emotional boundaries, what's yours? And what's mine?
What am I responsible for? What am I not, what am I not responsible for? That's how I tend to think of boundaries and limits, I tend to think of more like physical, like, no, you can't use that stick to whip the flowers in the garden. You know, right, that's what I think of as a limit, right? Like I'm going to have to help you move the stick somewhere else, or
[11:19]
maybe we're going to have to not use the stick at all if you're going to use the stick in a destructive way. That's what I think of as a limit. Right. Right. And that makes a lot of sense. So we've got slightly different definitions, which makes it really fun. So like I was saying, the limit is the way and I distinguish it specifically so that I, for myself, what I had started to do is I would start to notice, Oh, when am I being limited and when am I being boundary?
And it allowed me to notice when I was acknowledging myself and the other person, my child and when I wasn't, when I was being dismissive of one or both of us, so a dismissive of our core. So boundaries, I just define as giving us permission to love, limits are those excuses to disconnect, boundaries allow us to remain connected in our relationship. So I define boundaries is keeping us safe, clear and focused and I say that boundaries allow us to hear our hearts and honor that voice through the action that we take so it's connecting our heart to what we're doing it so our boundaries, similar to what you said are more energetic so they're saying
[12:21]
oh I'm going to stay in that space of respect I'm gonna stay in that space of compassion I'm going to stay in that space of care and even as I communicate with my child I'm gonna stay in that space. I see them as respectful, I see them as considerate, I see them as caring, so one of the examples that I use is actually I call it M&M respect. And it's a story that happened with my daughter. It was before bed and when she was out earlier in the day, she had eaten half a packet of M&Ms.
So she comes back and we brushed teeth, we've gotten ready for bed. And she comes to me and she's like, Mommy, can I have the rest of my M&Ms? And so I say to her, Oh, sweetie, not tonight. We can have them tomorrow. It's time for us to go to bed. Right? And she looks at me and you could see her her shutting down and going cold, and she had... How old was she, how old was she at the time? She is five at the time, she was five at the time. And so she was kind of shutting down and she looks at me and she's like, but I really, she's like, but they're open.
[13:23]
And I was like, of course, yes, they are. You're absolutely right. Let's do this. Let's put them in a bag. We live in Thailand, so you can't leave things open. And I'm like, we'll put them in the fridge and then tomorrow you can have them. And you could feel her, like, shutting down a bit. and then she looks at me she looks at her M&M's and she takes her hand and she sticks it in the packet and then she shoves them in her mouth. So you know this story, you've heard this story, I've heard the similar stories plenty of times with parents that we support right?
And so and and she looks at me and I say oh sweetie, you ate those M&M's and I know you do respect me so I know there must be something else going on here and she looks at me and she's not sure. She still wants those M&Ms. She puts her hand back in and then she puts a couple more in her mouth, and I say again, Oh sweetie, you're eating those M&MS and that doesn't feel good because I know you respect me.
There's something else going on here. And then when I could hold
[14:27]
that space, instead of saying, the thought that we're thinking, right Sarah? When the thought that comes first, when we say no and then the child does something a lot times we think oh that's disrespectful right they're being defiant they're being defiant they're being disrespectful. So what I do is I say okay that so to me their core is that they are respectful. That's unconditional. So when we notice that thought I actually flip it we say okay they are respectful And they did do that thing. So we're denying neither. Does that make sense?
so much of our work, really, we need to be able to hold two ideas in our head at the same time
Mm-hmm, and that's what this is is being able to hold two things at the same time that they are respectful and they did do that thing
Mm-hmm. Does that make sense? And for ourselves, sorry there's like a side tangent, but when we fall down as parents
we are still good worthy lovable people and
[15:30]
And we just behaved in a way that we really wish we hadn't, right. Yes. Both of those things are true at the same time. You know, our yelling at our kids five times in the day, just maybe something we don't want to happen, but it doesn't take away the fact that we're still good, worthy, lovable people. Right, exactly.
Well, we tend to say, oh, because I yelled, then that must mean that I'm not patient, or that must mean that I don't care, right? And so that's exactly, it's the same thing. So when we say that to ourselves, that's dismissive of our core. Does that make sense? Because we are really caring, compassionate, considerate people. And we did have a moment where we yelled.
And the reason, what I like to say is it did happen. I did, like if I were talking about myself or a parent that was supporting I did yell or you did yell and the reason it doesn't feel good is because you care so much about being considerate. So this is holding those two things in bringing those two things together. So it doesn't need to be either or. Either I yelled and then I'm not a good person or I'm a kind, caring person, let me pretend like I didn't yell.
[16:32]
We're actually holding both of them together. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does."
★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★
• The speaker considers themselves similar to sensitive, strong-willed kids and looks forward to supporting parents in their journey.
「私は敏感で頑固な子供たちと自分自身が似ていると考えており、親たちが彼らの育児の旅を切り開くのを支援することを楽しみにしています。」
• The speaker aims to help parents move from temporary to long-term solutions by understanding their child's core needs.
「話し手は、親が子どもの核心的なニーズを理解することにより、一時的な解決法から長期的な解決法へと移行するのを助けることを目指しています。」
• The speaker distinguishes between limits and boundaries, viewing the former as an excuse to disconnect and the latter as a means to stay connected in relationships.
「話し手は「制限」と「境界」を区別しており、「制限」は切断するための口実と見なし、「境界」は関係性を維持する手段としています。」
• The speaker challenges the traditional understanding of 'disrespectful' behavior, proposing that children are fundamentally respectful, but certain actions may suggest otherwise due to other factors.
「話し手は「非礼な」行動という従来の理解に挑戦し、子供たちは基本的に尊重しているが、他の要因によりそれとは異なる行動をとることがあると提案しています。」
• The speaker advises parents that they can both make mistakes in parenting without comprising their inherent goodness, encouraging them to accept both realities simultaneously.
「話し手は、育児において間違いを犯しても彼ら自身の本質的な善さに妥協することなく、両方の現実を同時に受け入れることを奨励しています。」
★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】

M&M (M&M)

【英単語】

sensitive（敏感な）

strong-willed（強い意志を持つ）

overlap（重なり）

membership（メンバーシップ）

Band-Aid solution（一時的な解決策）

bedtime（就寝時間）

boundaries（境界線）

dismissive（無視する）

responsible（責任がある）

destructive（破壊的な）

compassion（同情）

energetic（活力のある）

defiant（反抗的）

【英語フレーズ】

have a lot of overlap in (多くの重複点がある)

back up just a tiny bit（少しだけ戻る）

come to me saying（私に言ってきた）

shifting from ～ to ～（～から～へのシフト）

looking at what's going on underneath（下に何が起こっているのかを見る）

keep us safe, clear and focused（私たちを安全で、明確で、集中させる）

a limit is the way（限界は方法である）

acknowledging myself and the other person（自分自身と他の人を認める）

That doesn't feel good（それは気持ちが良くない）

the thought that comes first（最初に来る考え）

we need to be able to hold two ideas in our head at the same time（私たちは同時に2つのアイデアを頭に持つことができる必要がある）

"Okay, so that's validating, acknowledging our core within that example, and then for my daughter, it was her core. And the second time I had said it, she started to cry. You could feel that the wall that she was trying to put up, disconnection too because she was struggling to hold those two things. She was in her mind saying, 'Oh, I really want to eat these M&Ms because they are so good. Like you said, right? They taste good.' And then she's also saying, 'And I really want to hear what my mom's saying because I do respect our relationship. So she felt in her mind, when I saw her kind of shut down, she was dismissing that part about respecting our relationship so that she could eat the M&Ms. What I did is I say, I see that part in you, and I unconditionally hold it, and I brought them together. And when I did that the second time, then she started to cry and she came into my arms, and then through the tears brought up.
[17:35]
Something else that was going on. So that's what acknowledging the core. Something else that's going on can just purely be developing impulse control, right? Exactly, yeah. Impulse control that hasn't developed yet who does love and respect her mom and cares what she thinks and also just really wants the M&M's. And I just love how you, in that moment because you didn't get angry at her and because you didn't scold her or say, you know, that's it, I'm throwing the rest in the garbage or whatever someone might be tempted to do when they get triggered when their child is being defiant because let's face it, she was defiant in the true sense of the word, right? You said, don't eat the M&M's and she ate them anyway, we ate them anyway. But when you held that space for her, you actually supported the development of her impulse control for the next time. You supported that development of her knowing who she is and that it doesn't feel good to have done something that my mom just told me that she didn't want me to do, and you
[18:40]
Let her feel that uncomfortableness of that instead of having, if you'd gotten angry with her, she wouldn't have had a chance to feel that because she would have just redirected her uncomfortable feeling, into anger towards you for getting angry at her. Exactly. And now we're both stuck in anger, right? And now we're both feeling that disconnect. And so what it does, actually, the reason... So it's interesting because I take that disrespect and I flip it and part of the reason that I do that, it's for her, but it's also for me. Does that make sense? Say, oh, she's respectful, that we get angry if we feel like we're being disrespected.
Well, that's why – yeah, I mean that's why I always tell parents to remind yourself in those moments that your child's doing the best they can. Because if you are going into this tricky situation with the benefit of the doubt, I mean, you're, you know, we're saying the same thing. I call it giving them the benefit of the doubt, remembering that they want to be good and
[19:40]
They just couldn't manage at that moment, they were doing the best they can. It sets you up for a completely different kind of interaction. Yes, exactly. I think we're saying the same thing, like remembering that they're good. And it's interesting because we are saying the same thing, and it's in a slightly different way, right? So that's what it, because I'm talking about it as, like, oh, we can remember, we can acknowledge their core of who they are. So I see our core as tied into our identity and our identity tied into our needs. So when we send that message, oh, they're defiant or they're disrespectful, I see it as like they feel that conflict in that moment. So there was part of her and I talk about this a lot like acknowledging all of a person. So there's part of her that wanted to eat the M&Ms because they're good. And there's also part of her that wanted to do what I was asking. She wasn't intentionally being defiant and yet she didn't know a different way to express in that moment. And she didn't know how to hold both of those things. And so that's what I was doing for her is holding both of those things. So let me think of another way to explain this.
[20:43]
So when, here's another example, maybe this can clarify it a bit too. There's usually bedtime struggles, right? When we're working with parents, there's struggles with bedtime, you know? The child that wants one more hug or one more kiss and it lasts for two and a half hours. Right? Yes, you know our people. Yes, we know our people, because you've got the highly-sensitive, strong-willed child. And then there's us, the people pleaser us, that's like, oh my gosh, they just need a little bit more, why don't I just give a little bit more? And eventually then, in that trying to put their needs over ours eventually, we hit that moment where we can't take it anymore, and we might snap or yell, and in that moment, then we don't feel good about having done that and then we might feel guilt or shame. Does that make sense? So that's like emotional roller coaster. Yes, yes.
So, in that moment, when we're with our kids, You might say, they might say, oh, can I have one more hug, one more hug, one more hug, one more hug? They could ask this forever, right? And what we want to do is there's a part of us that's saying, no, it's time to go to bed.
[21:48]
So what I actually believe is that, yes, there's, inside of us, there's a louder part and there's a quieter part of us. So the louder part in us is saying it's time for bed. And the reason we're saying that if we peel back to the energetic need there, it's that we want our child to rest and we want some rest as well. So, sorry, can I just interrupt you for a second? Because it strikes me in the example that you gave, the louder part and the quieter part might actually change position at some point because I think the louder part in the beginning of this two and 1 1⁄2 hour one more hug, one more story is I wanna meet my child's needs of their needs for connection in those moments, which is why we stay, and the quieter part is saying, I really need them to go to sleep and I need to go to sleep. But I think if I'm understanding your idea, at some point it's when the quieter part, the louder part becomes, no, we really have to just go to bed, that maybe when parents lose their patience.
[22:49]
Exactly, around that two and a half hour mark, right? When we're at the five-minute mark we're good. We're like, of course, one more hug. That sounds like a great idea, right? Because like you said, our louder part in that moment is that connection, that deep, rich, warm, juicy connection with our child because we want that too. So when we look at this, so yes, at the two and a half hour mark, when we're tired, right? Our louder part in that moment is we want our kids to go to bed because we have that need for rest and we'll also, we care about their need for rest. They might need to get up for school the next day and we want them to have a great day at school. Right? And then the quieter part at that time, which as you said is the louder part, is that need for is that we want to give them one more hug. We always do. Even when we're at the two and a half hour mark and we're saying, okay, it's time to go to bed. We still wish that we could give them one more hug and be there forever. Right. What we really wish is that they would say that's enough. And I'm going to go
[23:52]
to sleep and you're going to go to sleep. We wish they would meet our louder parts. No, never had that happened. I'm with you. We wish that we could do it all. Right? But we wish that we could do it all. So this is our quieter part in that moment is that, oh we wish that we could keep hugging and then it would fill up their cup and they will go to sleep. Right. And that's because we have that need for that juicy connection as well. So that's the underlying core need is that at nighttime, they have that need for connection and we have that need for connection. Really important at bedtime, right? So what happens is so when we're at the 2 and a half hour mark and of course, like you said earlier in the night, it is flipped. We're focused on the connection and that going to bed is our quieter part. But when we're at that 2 and a half hour mark and our louder part is saying we want them to go to sleep. And our quieter part is saying oh I also want this to be connected, what happens for us is we feel this internal conflict and so if then we're like, okay, right, it's time for bed,
[24:54]
we're actually dismissing that quieter part of us. Does that make sense? Yes. And so and, and if we say, okay, let's do one more hug. Then we're dismissing that other part of us that's saying we all have a need for rest."
★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★

The speaker discusses the benefits of acknowledging the opposing needs within a child, such as the desire to enjoy something (like eating M&Ms) and the understanding that they need to respect their parent's instructions. This acknowledgment helps to develop a child's impulse control.

The speaker emphasizes the need to understand that a child is doing their best in a given situation and that any behavior is a response to a struggle between fulfilling their own desires and respecting their parents' directives.

The idea of having a "louder" and a "quieter" part within us is presented. For instance, during bedtime, a parent might have a louder need for the child to go to sleep (for the child's & their own rest) and a quieter concern about the child's need for one more hug (connection).

The speaker argues that when parents dismiss their quieter needs, like continuing to provide affection before bedtime, they can feel internal conflict.

The broader idea proposed is considering and acknowledging all needs (of both child and parent) instead of dismissing or prioritizing one over the other, as this leads to a healthier and more understanding dynamic.

スピーカーは、子供が何かを楽しむ（M&Mを食べるなど）という欲求と、親の指示を尊重するという理解の間で対立するニーズを認識することの利点について話しています。この認識は、子供の衝動制御を発達させるのに役立ちます。

スピーカーは、子供が与えられた状況で最善を尽くしていると理解すること、そしてその行動が自分の欲求を満たすと親の指示を尊重するという間での闘争の結果であるということを強調しています。

私たちの中に「より大きな声」と「より静かな声」の部分があるという考え方が提示されます。例えば、寝かしつけの際、親は子供に寝てもらう（子供自身と自分自身の休息のため）というより大きな要求と、もう一度だけハグ（コネクション）をしたいというより静かな関心を持つかもしれません。

スピーカーは、親が寝かしつけ前の愛情表現といった静かなニーズを無視すると、内部の葛藤を感じることがあると主張しています。

提案されているより大きな考え方は、一つをもう一つより優先するか無視するのではなく、すべてのニーズ（子供と親の両方）を考慮し認識することで、より健康的で理解し合える関係性が生まれるというものです。

★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】

M&Ms（エムアンドエム）

【英単語】

validating（認証する）

acknowledging（認める）

core（核、中心）

disconnection（切断、非接続）

struggle（闘う）

defiant（反抗的な）

support（支援する）

triggered（引き金を引く）

impulse（衝動）

developed（発達した）

disrespectful（無礼な）

tempted（考える、誘惑する）

pleaser（喜ばせる人）

guilt（罪悪感）

shame（恥）

defiant（反抗的）

【英語フレーズ】

shut down（シャットダウンする）

hold space for someone（他人のために心の隙間を持つ）

acknowledging the core（中心を認識する）

developing impulse control（衝動コントロールの開発）

give the benefit of the doubt（疑わしきを益につける）

do the best they can（最善を尽くす）

lose their patience（我慢が限界に達する）

flip it（それを変える）

does that just make sense?（それは意味がありますか？）

"And so, what I would bring in is to acknowledge the core, as we actually hold both of them. So we meet for them, for kids. Usually, it's flipped. Their louder part, at two and a half hour mark, is they want the hugs and the connection because connection is so very important to going to sleep, right? They need that. And then, their quieter part is, they do understand there is a teeny, tiny, quiet part of them that says, 'Yeah, maybe I am kind of getting a little bit tired, right?' It's in there. It's tiny. So what we do is, we actually, normally we would speak to our louder part, and our kids hold that space of our quieter part. What we would do is we'd actually flip it. And so, we would start with our quieter part. 'Oh, sweetie, I want to do one more hug because hugging you feels so good. It's like being wrapped up in a blanket and I...
[25:59]
...love the feel of your arms around me. And I also want to let your body rest because it's so important for you to sleep well and have a great day at school tomorrow. So let's do this. Let's do one big squeeze and oh, could you do that thing where when I'm at the door you say 'Would you ask me for one more hug?' And I'll come in and we'll do that last hug and then we go to sleep.' So I said I want, and I expressed my care in that as well. And what that does is it meets them because what they're wanting is that hug, so we're acknowledging them. We want that too, so we're not dismissing any of us of our core, and we're not dismissing any of their core as well. Love it. And we can do that earlier than two and a half hours, right? Of course! We want to make sure that people know that we're sort of joking about the two and a half hours. It feels like two and a half hours, exactly. So how does that?
[27:02]
How does, in your experience, how does that change? The child's response or reaction? Because we've acknowledged for them that we want, so what happens, what I believe happens is, our kids, especially at nighttime, they feel like the needier one. They're like, 'I want more hugs' and they're concerned that we don't. So they feel a bit vulnerable. Does that make sense? So they feel like, 'Oh, I'm the needier one, I've got to beg and plead, and I'm not so sure that I can get these hugs and things like that, and I think I'm the only one that wants this.' So they feel a bit alone in that. So what we're doing by acknowledging it in this way, is we're bringing a sense of belonging, a sense of community, and we're acknowledging that we have that need too. So we're holding that space for them that, 'Oh, I want to keep hugging you because it just feels so good.' So when we do that, they soften, it lets them know, it lets their bodies know, their nervous system, that that is a valid, important need. We have that need too. They're not alone in that, they don't need to fight for it. Does that make sense?
[28:07]
Yeah.
It does, and it actually reminds me of like, kind of the stereotype of a clingy boyfriend or girlfriend. Like when you have like, you know, I don't say two sixteen-year-olds or something and one of them feels the other one's not paying enough attention to them, so they get like really more clingy and want more and more, and then the other person feels like they need to pull away a little bit more because they're not, they don't have their own space but really, they both might want the same thing. But when you don't, when needs are not acknowledged and needs aren't met, it can get really out of balance and I think that's what you're talking about. Yes, exactly. Yeah, I love that. Well, let's talk a little bit more about, you know, I don't know, can you provide us with any other, I love your storytelling examples, I think they're really powerful. About balancing parent's needs with children's needs because I know that that comes up a lot in my community, that, you know, we were sort of joking about it the other day in my office hours, about children and their endless needs and how you know, we try as best we can to...
[29:13]
...meet their needs, but there's sometimes some kids really feel like the needs are endless and parents don't necessarily have endless energy or resources. So do you have any words of wisdom about that? Yeah. And I think like, I'm thinking specifically of the parent that's maybe like, we're people pleasers, right? So maybe we've struggled to say no to the thing because we don't want to deny or dismiss their passion, their desire, and their hope. Does that make sense? Yeah. So I actually have a game that I love for that. I call it the no game, that helps us as parents acknowledge that like sometimes kids will ask for something over and over again. Sometimes what I like to say about a strong-willed child is that they're a hopeful child. Right? They hope that if they've asked you 52 times for a cookie before dinner, that maybe, just maybe, on the 53rd time, you might say yes, right? Occasionally, it's worked, so there's that. They call it intermittent reinforcement, which is actually why gambling is so addictive.
[30:14]
I was reading about this the other day, is that it's not that you get, you know, every time you pull the lever, something comes out, but like very occasionally, and you don't know when it's gonna be, something comes out when you pull the lever, and apparently, that intermittent reinforcement is much more appealing to our brain. And it somehow becomes addictive anyway. So it's a little bit of a side note, but I think that, you know, that 53rd time when you do say yes, all of the other times, they think 'Maybe this is going to be the 53rd time when they do say yes.' Great. Yeah, exactly, it gives like, it gives a sense of hope, right? So, and then if we're a people pleaser, the first time they ask for like no, no, no cookie before dinner. The second time we're like, no, no cookie for dinner. The third time, we're like, Wow, are they really hungry? Maybe I should just give them the cookie before dinner. Right? That's when we start to question ourselves because we do care. The reason we question ourselves is because we care about meeting their needs. We're wondering, Oh, are they hungry? Do they need some food? Dinner's not quite ready yet. Should I just give them that cookie...?
[31:15]
...Maybe this is something. Yeah. Yeah. Huh. And maybe it's not a big deal. Maybe it's not a big deal, right? So notice that maybe it's not a big deal. We start to dismiss the original reason why we were saying no, because we wanted to nourish their body with the healthy food that's coming in a couple minutes, right? So what we can do in those moments for us to be able to practice that and know what's safe for us as well, to be able to say is when they come to us and they're asking for that thing is we can say, do you want to play that game where you ask me for cookies and candies and I say no, let's do it. Okay, okay. Ask me, mom, can I have a cookie? No, mom, ask me again. Ask me again. I've got like 36 no's inside of me or however many. Okay, mom, can I have a candy bar? No. Mom, can I have a brownie? No. Oh my gosh, this is fun. Ask me again. I'm having a good time saying no. And then what they'll do is eventually, they'll be like, mom, can I not have a brownie? And we'll say yes. Or mom, can I have a brownie after dinner? And we'll say yes. And they'll be like, ha, we got you. Right? They got us to say yes.
[32:19]
So the energy, so just like you were saying, there's that hope for the yes, and the yes feels good, right? We're giving, they're getting to play this game. We know that we're solid in our no because we've actually invited it in, right? We're saying, come on, ask me, let's have some fun. It can be connected. It doesn't have to be disconnected, this experience. And so then it's become safe for us. We're having fun. They're having fun. And then they flip that question, and it's a yes. And it can also work the other way around, where a kid wants to say no, where the child wants to say no, and they might be in that stage where they just want to say no to different things. And for us as parents sometimes, that can feel rejecting. Right? So give me an example of what you're talking about. Okay, so let's say you've got a child and you're like, oh, would you like to read this bedtime story? No. And then you take another book. Oh, would you like to read this bedtime story? No.
[33:22]
And we get to the third or fourth one, we're starting to get a little bit frustrated. Right? And then we can say, 'Do you want to do that thing where I offer you books and you say no?' And then we just end because now we've set it up for success, that they can say no. A no becomes a safe experience. It becomes a connected experience instead of a disconnected experience. So it teaches our bodies that the no is safe."
★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★

The conversation discusses the importance of connection before bedtime for children. Children need to feel the warmth and security of a hug before they sleep.

インタビューでは、就寝前の子供たちのための繋がりの重要性について話し合っています。子供たちには、寝る前にハグの温かさと安全感を感じる必要があります。

It talks about the switch in priority; instead of answering to our louder part (needs), we should also start addressing our subtler needs. This helps in creating a sense of belonging and community.

ラウダーな部分（ニーズ）に応えるのではなく、もっと微細なニーズにも対応するように先に切り替えることについて語っています。これにより、所属感やコミュニティの感覚を作り出すことができます。

The dialogue touches on a game called "the no game" which can be an effective way to practice setting boundaries and expectations with kids.

インタビューでは、「ノーゲーム」と呼ばれるゲームについても触れており、これは子供たちとの境界線や期待を設定する練習法として効果的であることが述べられています。

It also discusses how issues can occur when a child's needs aren't acknowledged or met, similar to relationship troubles, using the example of a clingy boyfriend or girlfriend.

子どものニーズが認識されたり、満たされていない場合にどのような問題が発生するかも話し合われています。この問題は、ボーイフレンドやガールフレンドがくっつきすぎる例を使って、関係の問題に似ています。

As the conversation progresses, it reveals that acknowledging and respecting each other's needs simultaneously can create stability and wholesomeness in parent-child relationships.

対話が進むにつれて、お互いのニーズを同時に認め、尊重することが、親子関係に安定性と健全性を生み出すことが明らかになります。

★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】

N/A

【英単語】

acknowledge（認める）

core（核心）

connection（繋がり）

dismissive（無視する）

vulnerable（無防備な）

belonging（所属感）

community（共同体）

intermittent reinforcement（間欠的強化）

pleaser（相手を喜ばせる人）

hopeful（希望に満ちている）

nourish（養う）

dismiss（一蹴する）

rejecting（拒否する）

【英語フレーズ】

hold space（スペースを確保する）

meet the needs（必要を満たす）

strong-willed child（意志が強い子）

pull the lever（レバーを引く）

question ourselves（自分自身に疑問を投げかける）

have a good time（楽しむ）

set up for success（成功のために設定する）

say no to different things（様々な物事に対してノーと言う）

"It teaches our kids that 'no' is safe, that it's okay, that we can remain connected in the 'no' and we can enjoy our relationship when they're in their 'nos'. Yeah, because 'no' actually does have a, does create a response in the nervous system. Yes, like a stress response in the nervous system. Yeah. And so you're sort of, you're sort of regulating it that way. Exactly. Because the 'no' we're worried that by saying 'no', we're disconnecting where dismissing what somebody else wants. Does that make sense? And so one of the things that I like to say is that if you have a child that says 'no' a lot, a 'no' is said for safety. It's meant to keep us safe. Does that make sense? Because we're not so sure about what's going on.
[34:23]
'Yeses' are about commitment. So if you have a child that has a lot of anxiety and you're like, 'Oh, do you want to try sushi?' and they're not so sure about the 'no' right away initially, right? Because they're trying to stay safe. They're feeling like they may have it that, 'Oh my gosh, I don't know about this food. What if I don't like that? What does that mean about me?' Does that make sense? So we're facing that. Yeah, do you have any process for sort of investigating the 'no'? Investigating the 'no'. Like what's that about? Like what's behind the 'no'? Yeah. Right? And that is an interesting question. That may be like, 'Give me an example of what you mean.' Well, just the example you gave, of 'Do you want to try sushi?' 'No.' Like, what is it? I mean, I get that it's protective. Like, you know, every, we all want to stay in the same place where we feel safe. And some of us more than others. But when you do, it's important to be flexible in life.
[35:24]
And not be rigid and be able to, you know, kind of go with the flow about things, and not miss out. Sushi could be your favorite food. And I'm not saying we ever pressure our kids to try things that they don't want to try, but I think it's a helpful skill to be able to investigate where that stuck-ness comes from. Right, right, okay. Okay, so here's an example. It's not the sushi example, but it's a similar example. So a child that's going on a trip with their school, and maybe they're saying, 'No, I don't want to go. No, I don't want to go.' A much better example. It's about someone that knows they're a good kid and they're also working towards being a better person. That's a much better example. It's much more important. Much more important. Right. And this is an older child too. So like an older child, maybe a tween or a teen, right? They're like, 'No, I don't wanna go.' And we're sitting there and we're like, 'No, come on. You'll have fun. You'll have fun.' Right? Right. And they're like, 'No, no. I don't wanna go.' So I would first validate that it's important because sometimes a child can feel like their 'no' isn't important. Okay, sweetie, this is important. What I'm wondering.
[36:25]
I think there's part of you that doesn't wanna go because you're not so sure what you're gonna be doing and if you'll have a good time. And I think there's also this part of you that is curious about going and kind of wishes that you could go, you're just not sure that you just wanna feel safe and you're not sure how to. How to get there. Yeah. And if that's true, then we can work with that. We can figure that out together. And so asking them that question, asking them, acknowledging both parts of them. Because they're a louder part in that moment. Maybe. 'No, I need to say no because I'm not sure what's gonna happen. I'm not sure what we're gonna do there. I'm not sure if I'm gonna like it .' So we can validate that - like that's important. And so I'm wondering if that's what's going on. And I'm wondering if this is also what's going on both of those parts are inside of them. Mm-hmm. I heard somebody say once and I'm curious of what you think of this idea is - you can ask when you do recognize that a child has those two parts, you know, the two opposing parts going on,
[37:26]
asking them 'What is the one part need from the other part to be able to go on the trip?' Oh, that's really interesting. I love that. 'What is the one part need?' So what I say is like that part of you that's not so sure about going, that's a really important part of you. So what I define like self-care as, it's not just the physical self-care, but it's self-care is caring for your physical self, caring for the emotions that you feel, caring for the thoughts that you think. Does that make sense? So if they're thinking, 'Oh my gosh, I don't want to go, because I'm feeling really nervous. They said they're going to go hiking, and I'm not sure if I can do that', you're having that thought, because it sounds like you care about enjoying the trip and you're just not sure about the hiking part. Does that make sense? Yeah. I mean, that's kind of pulling us back full circle to what you were talking about in the beginning of the needs on top of each other versus, you know, the needs next to each other. Can you tie that back into this? Yes, exactly.
[38:27]
So, they did it. So they have those two needs, right? So it's a part of them that wants to stay home because, and it may be because they're not so sure about going hiking and it's because they do care about having a good time off on the trip actually. So that's the actually underlying need there. And then there's also a part of them that wants to go on the trip or maybe they're not so sure about being away from their parents. Let's make it that. So there's some separation anxiety. So part of them doesn't want to go on the trip because they're not sure about being away from their parents, so that's a need for them to feel safe. And there's also a part of them that wants to go on the trip and just wishes is there a way that they could feel safe, because they want to have fun? So we can acknowledge both of those. So that does tie back into, there's a desire for safe, and there's a desire for fun. And so we can validate both. So that would, because what we as parents would do, is we would hold that space of, 'Oh, you'll have fun.' So now I'm putting my, that need, we're putting that need as more important
[39:28]
than that anxiety that they're feeling. And then what they do, because we're holding one space, we're holding that space of, 'Oh, you'll have fun, go on the trip.' Then our kids actually ground their heels in, dig into, 'No, this other need is really important, the safety.' Because their louder need is not being heard. Exactly, you got it. So then if we bring them both together, 'Hey, sweetie, both of these are important. Of course, it's important that you feel safe on the trip.' And then we can ask them, 'What is it that you're worried might happen because that's important, or what is it that you're thinking or what has happened before?' Because that's important, that matters. And then we can work with that and let them know that 'I also think there's a part of you that wants to have fun and that's important, but first meet that louder part in them. Of course that's important. And I'm confident, you can bring some confidence.
[40:28]
So it's bringing the, like that openness to, 'I wonder what's going on there? or I wonder what you're worried could happen where you wouldn't be safe?' And then we can also bring some confidence, 'And I'm confident that you and I can figure this out together, or you and me in the school can figure it out together. We've got this.' So we can hold that space. What I'm hearing is like, I mean, we haven't actually gone through this whole podcast without mentioning the word empathy, which I always feel like I can't do my work without teaching about empathy, but that's sort of what you're doing, is whenever anyone feels heard and understood, they become a lot more flexible. And I always caution parents against using it as a tactic because it's not, you know, we're not doing empathy so that our kids will do what we want them to do. That's really, really not the point. However, it often works that way that when somebody feels understood, really deeply understood and heard,
[41:28]
they can be more flexible. Exactly, when they feel heard then they feel empowered to make a choice of what they actually want and that's how I feel it is. That when we so I see it like I see staying inside of our boundaries as staying inside of our empathy as well. Makes that make sense? Of staying connected to our sense of empathy. And so when a child feels not only seen, heard and understood but also appreciated, approved of acknowledged a sense of belonging, that they're important, that they matter, and they're learning to understand. It's about empowerment and then they're going to do, it's about expanding and they're going to do that."
★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★

The discussion emphasizes the importance of acknowledging a child's refusal (saying 'no') as a way to remain safe and connected, rather than seeing it as a sign of defiance or withdrawal.

Understanding the reason behind a child saying 'no' to new experiences (e.g., trying sushi, going on a school trip) is vital. This would involve addressing their fears and uncertainties.

The dialogue encourages exploration of communications strategies wherein the child feels heard with their concerns addressed, eventually enabling flexibility and willingness to try new things.

The interlocutor shares an approach going beyond physical care, incorporating emotional and cognitive aspects of self-care. This is to aid youngsters in understanding and managing their emotions and thoughts, contributing to their overall well-being.

Interaction rooted in empathy, where children are seen, heard, understood, and appreciated, helps in their empowerment. This connection fosters an environment for growth, enabling them to make their own choices confidently.

[Japanese Translation]

この議論では、子供が「ノー」と言うことを認識することの重要性が強調されています。これは、反抗や撤退の兆候ではなく、安全でつながったままであることを保つ一方法と見るべきです。

新しい経験（例：寿司を食べること、学校旅行に行くこと）に対して子供が「ノー」と言う理由を理解することは重要です。これには、彼らの恐怖と不確実性に対処することが含まれます。

対話は、子供が自分の懸念に対処され、聞かれていると感じる通信戦略の探求を奨励します。これにより最終的に柔軟性が生まれ、新しいことを試す意欲が湧くようになります。

インタビュアーは、自己ケアの概念を身体的なケアを超えて広げます。これは、子供たちが自分の感情と思考を理解し、管理するのを助けることで、彼らの全体的な健康に寄与します。

力強さを感じられるようにするには、子供たちが見られ、聞かれ、理解され、評価されるという、共感に根ざした関わりが必要です。このつながりは、成長のための環境を育み、自信をもって自分自身の選択をすることを可能にします。

★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】

Sushi（寿司）

【英単語】

disconnect（切断する）

commitment（親和性）

anxiety（不安）

investigate（調査する）

rigid（硬直的）

flexible（柔軟性）

stuck-ness（停滞感）

validate（検証する）

curious（好奇心が強い）

acknowledge（認識する）

emotion(true-感情）

anxiety（不安）

separation（分離）

desire（欲望）

【英語フレーズ】

remain connected（接続したまま）

create a response（反応を生み出す）

stress response（ストレス反応）

make sense（意味をなす）

go with the flow（流れに任せる）

miss out（見逃す）

figure it out together（一緒に解決する）

care about enjoying（楽しむ事を重視する）

more important than（...よりも重要）

feel heard（聞こえた気分に）

make a choice（選択する）

stay inside our boundaries（私たちの範囲内に留まる）

really deeply understood（非常に深く理解される）

feel empowered（力を感じる）

"But what does that mean? It means that you're not alone. You understand that people have that, or, you know, that can, you can empower someone on your own and make them feel better, but you don't have to do that. You just need to embrace that and put yourself out there, and you're not alone in that. That's really the essence of it—two different people's individual needs.
[42:29]
Yeah, exactly. It works both ways. It does. It works both ways. And can I share an example with us as parents when we're feeling certain ways, and I think that may help for us as well because it works both ways. In that example, it's saying all of this is welcome. All of this is part of the core and all of this is important. And so it's the same thing for us. Like if we're, as I mentioned, that self-care is caring for our emotions. Your emotions and caring for what we're feeling, right? So sometimes, as we talk about these unconditional stands, and I actually had a parent in my community last week, she said, 'Oh, I got this.' She got this peace because she's like, 'I was saying my unconditional stands for my day are that I want to feel peaceful and I want to feel and I want to feel at rest, and I want to feel, and what was her third word? Maybe like joyful, okay?' And she's like, 'But what do I do?' She asked me, 'What do I do when I'm feeling hurt or when I'm feeling frustrated or when I'm feeling angry?' And what I had shared with her is then what we do?
[43:29]
She's like, 'But I was trying to bring peace and joy and rest to my relationship with my child. And then all of a sudden, I noticed I was feeling hurt and it feels like these two emotions are in conflict with each other. Right? She's like, 'When I feel hurt, it doesn't feel very peaceful. It doesn't feel very nurturing. Right?' So what we talked about is that when we're feeling that, so it's energetic, right? The energy of nurture, peace, joy. So when she's trying to put it, she's putting that out—nurture out, peace out. In her relationship with her child, when she's feeling hurt or frustrated, all we do is we turn that energy inward towards ourselves. So we bring the nurture and the peace in the harmony in, and we say, 'Oh, I am feeling hurt. This is important. I am feeling frustrated. Okay, so I'm gonna turn that nurture in and come underneath of those emotions and hold that space so that we're not denying or dismissing or trying to pretend like we're not feeling something that we can allow ourselves to hold that part of us.
[44:31]
With those same words—nurture, peace—in a peaceful way instead of a frustrated let-me-get-rid-of-that-emotion kind of way.' Well, yeah, having compassion for those different parts again. Yeah, exactly and then when we do that, so like even for doing this podcast, it was like, 'Oh, I'm really excited to do this and I love talking with you. And then there was a part of me that was like, 'Oh, and I'm also really nervous.' And I was like, 'Oh, that's very interesting. I have these two parts. Both of them are important.' And I was like, 'Oh, well, I'm really excited because you and I have great conversations.' So that was the underlying core energy. And then I'm a bit nervous because I care about providing value to the people listening. And so there was no need for you to be nervous because you have provided a lot of value for us today. I'm so happy that we got to have this conversation. Me too. I am too. So what I did is, instead of trying to deny my nervousness, I brought what are the energies that I want. And I was like, 'Oh, well I want to be confident. And it's because I care.
[45:31]
So, I'm like, 'Oh, I can be confident in my nervousness. I am confident that my nervousness is not going anywhere. That nervousness is committed to me. It's not going anywhere.' And so you can have some fun with your emotions. Does that make sense? And it doesn't have to be this heavy heart thing. I mean, it just reminded me—my son was going for a job interview, and he said, 'Oh, I'm kind of nervous.' And I said, 'That's actually super appropriate that you'd be nervous before a job interview. And also, because you're nervous, you'll probably do a better job than if you just didn't think about it at all beforehand, and you just showed up on the day, and it's because we care that we sometimes these emotions come up.' Exactly. So we can tie any emotion that we're feeling—'oh, I'm nervous because I care. I'm frustrated because this is important. Because this person's important. This relationship's important to me.' And keep tying everything back to—that's tying it back to her core. Yes, I love that, Sonelly. Okay, two more questions before I let you go.
[46:33]
Okay. If you could go back in time, in our time machine, to your younger parent self, what advice would you give yourself? I would tell myself, 'That person that you're trying, that you're working so hard to be, that you're striving to be, that caring, compassionate, confident, warm person that you're striving to be, you already are her. Just allow yourself to see it.' And I would also tell her that love isn't perfect. Love is so much more than perfect. Love is being able to have the 'whoops' moments and being able to be tender and gentle with ourselves in those moments. Yeah, love that. Thank you. So the last question I'll ask you is where can our listeners find out more about you and what you do? They can find me at forwardtogetherparenting.com—Forward Together? Forward Together. Yep, exactly. So you can think of it like the needs, right? It's needs together.
[47:34]
So it's forwardtogetherparenting.com. You can also find me on Facebook at Forward Together Parenting. And I have a Facebook community called Raising Your Strong, Wealthy Child. And on Instagram, I am at Raising Your Strong, Wealthy Child. OK, great, we'll put all those in the show notes for everyone. Thank you, Senali. Thank you, Sarah. It was good talking with you. You too, bye. Bye. Bye. Thanks for listening to this week's episode. I hope you found this conversation insightful and exactly what you needed in this moment. Be sure to subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast platform and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. Remember that I'm rooting for you. I see you out there showing up for your kids and doing the best you can. Sending hugs over the airwaves today—hang in there, you've got this."
★ここまでの要約・日本語訳★

The conversation discusses the importance of understanding and embracing your emotions and not feeling alone in them. It emphasizes the idea that people can empower others but it's not essential.

The dialogue highlights the importance of self-care, specifically in fostering emotional well-being. It shares an example of a parent needing to balance feelings of peace and joy with occasional hurt and frustration.

The discussion focuses on treating emotions like energy, turning them inward when negative feelings arise in order to continue nurturing peace and joy, thereby creating a balance.

The speakers discuss the concept of being compassionate and understanding toward all parts of oneself, even the parts that feel nervous or unsure. The example of preparing for a podcast or a job interview is used to illustrate this.

The conversation ends with the speaker providing advice for her younger self and sharing information on where listeners can discover more about her work.

この会話では、自分の感情を理解し、それらを一人で感じることなく受け入れることの重要性について話し合われています。人々が他人を力づけることができるが、それが必須ではないという考えを強調しています。

この対話では、特に情緒の健康を促進するための自己ケアの重要性に焦点を当てています。それは平和と喜びの感情と時折の傷つきや挫折の感情をバランスさせる必要がある親の例を共有しています。

この議論は感情をエネルギーのように扱い、否定的な感情が生じたときにそれらを内側に向けて平和と喜びを育むことを続け、バランスを作ることに焦点を当てています。

スピーカーたちは、自分自身のすべての部分、特に不安や確信が持てない部分に対して思いやりと理解を示すことについて話し合います。ポッドキャストや就職面接の準備にあたっての例があり、これを説明するためのイラストとして使用されています。

会話は、若い頃の自分へのアドバイスと、リスナーが彼女の仕事についてもっと知ることができる場所を共有することで終わっています。

★ここまでの特徴的な固有名詞・英単語・英語表現★
【固有名詞】

Forward Together Parenting (フォワード・トゥギャザー・ペアレンティング)

Apple Podcasts (アップルポッドキャスト)

Raising Your Strong, Wealthy Child (自分の強く、豊かな子を育てる)

Facebook (フェイスブック)

Sarah (サラ)

Senali (セナリ)

【英単語】

essence（本質）

empower（強化する）

embrace（受け入れる）

community（コミュニティ）

peaceful（平和な）

conflict（紛争）

energetic（活気のある）

nurture（育てる）

harmony（調和）

conscious（意識的）

compassion（共感し理解する）

provided（提供した）

reminded（思い起こさせる）

appropriate（適切）

emotion（感情）

relationship（関係）

【英語フレーズ】

put yourself out there (積極的に参加する)

it works both ways (双方向に作用する)

care about (何かを気にかける、大事に思う)

feeling frustrated (フラストレーションを感じる)

provide value (価値を提供する)

have great conversations (素晴らしい会話を持つ)

tie back to (前と結び付ける、過去とリンクする)

go back in time (時間を遡る)

hang in there (頑張る)

you've got this (君ならできる)